Friday, 7 September 2012
I don't mean it personally, Billy. But I find it's always best to try and impose yourself on new regulators, set your stall out, show no weakness. In case they try and regulate against you.
Now Billy, I am sure you are very capable and nice and things but be a good boy and keep your right wing opinions and thoughts to yourself and just get on with regulating.
Unless it is in an area where it suits me for you not to regulate. In those instances, stop regulating. Turning a blind eye to trustee payments would be a cracking start. And any comments in my blog that could be construed as political campaigning.
Don't worry, I will constantly remind you of what you should be doing in my blog whether you like it or not.
Good luck Billy. You're gonna need it pal.
Sir Robin Bogg
(Ex Oxford, naturally, like you wink wink)
Thanks for those who offered suggestions for Billy's Boggname.
My old mucker Lester Twomore, head honcho at the Brolly Lottery Fund (which should be renamed the Bogg Lottery Fund in my honour - like the lottery any impact and positive effect I have on good causes is purely incidental to the fact that really what I am about is a load of balls) offered Will.I.Am Deffoangry and I was myself toying with Will.I.Am YoFoShizzleX. (one for the hip happening musically clued up kool kidzs, like Lester).
And on a similar theme an anonymous person thought Wilhelm Abidingly-Querulous (ABQ to his Eton and Oxford chums) would be a good one.
But the glory almost goes to Don Peck (@commoncapital on Twitter) who inspired the Shortshrift moniker with his idea of Grill Shortcrust.
Monday, 3 September 2012
Thursday, 30 August 2012
Recently I came across an organisation, "Young Canopy Crusties" and it's (you'd think with my Oxford, naturally, education I would know my apostrophe from my elbow) dynamic founder Felix Swift. This young whippersnapper is suggesting that more young people need to be involved in umbrella governance. Is he mad? Sure, if we get to pay people for brolly board membership then the young will expect less leaving more loot for the rest of us but surely what we need is even older gamp governors and canopy crusties. How else am I going to carry on living in the style to which I am accustomed when BUBB finally get rid of me? (Next year if you're wondering).
The same thing applies to old brollies. Just because you're bit broken, smell musty and leak everywhere it doesn't mean you're on the scrapheap. As I am living proof of.
Speaking of which, it was good to see umbrellas feature prominently in the opening ceremony at the Paralympics. Even if your spokes are broken you can still perform at a decent level and the brolly bits were all down to my role as chair of the ROBOG organising committee.
I am now spending a few days in Devon bothering my family, and specifically mentioning the relatives who went to Oxford, naturally. This part of Devon miraculously remains a hidden gem despite me mentioning in my blog every year. Or perhaps because I do.
Wednesday, 1 August 2012
Other than that, BUBB is fully caught up in the fervour of the Boggympics. There has been plenty of rain so far and a chance to show the British brolly wielding public at its best. And I have set myself up as ROBOG so I can take over the organisation of the games. For a start I shall be filling those empty seats with patriotic umbrellas to add a splash of colour. Go Team BOGGB!!!
Wednesday, 18 July 2012
The umbrella sector is lucky to be able to attract highly talented and committed gamps thanks to headhunters such as DONALD HOLDING. Politicians sometimes forget we employ large numbers of staff. The Brolly Sector Research Centre estimates 1.1 million! And this could grow even more if I get my way and all trustees are paid.
(I note that Sir Hubert is causing a stink about the paid trustee thing claiming that BUBB was the only sector voice shouting for it. Tough titty Hubert old fruit. If you can't get enough high profile trusteeships to make it worth your while supporting this proposal that is your look out.)
I doubt many umbrellas have given much thought to how they will be employed during the Olympics but if it pisses down like it has happily been all summer they could well need proper advice. And it is worrying that there will be a shortage of umbrellas used to provide security from wet weather at the games despite there being many available to take on this role. It is disgraceful that the Army will be used to provide precipitation cover and the controversial siting of massive umbrellas on top of Council blocks was also badly thought through.
It is also a concern that a number of athletes have been lost on transport en route from Heathrow to Stratford and have ended up at the TfL Lost Property Office on Baker St like so many brollies do every day.
But umbrellas caught up in the whole circus can get advice thanks to an invaluable corporate partner BUBB has used to develop HR sagacity as a free service. So it is only right that I should give Trellis Shittam a free plug in my blog though they have begged me not to for fear of negative publicity by association.
Monday, 16 July 2012
I am delighted about the suggestion that people can be paid to look after large umbrellas without needing permission from the Umbrella Commission. Not large sums of course. After all if you look after lots of umbrellas even small payments will soon rack up. I for one will be seeking to make a tidy packet as a professional trustee of brollies.
Also good to see gubbins to encourage more social investment which I have always been keen to promote to my members for reasons that are completely unconnected to my other entirely distinct role as chair of Brolly Investment Business.
And it is quite right that Umbrella Commission regulation should be made more flexible. After all by sometimes criticising them for doing too much regulating and sometimes saying they aren't regulating enough depending on what the issue is and how it affects me I have shown I can be flexible in how I view Umbrella Commission regulation.
I have been very quiet recently on the blogging front as I have been working behind the scenes to try and ensure the plans to reform the House of Lords make provision for me securing a peerage. But to no avail.
Still at least that bastard Rob Diamante has been kicked out of Barclays. Though it would be incredibly amusing if I were to say without a shred of irony in my blog (as my spoofer Sir Stephen Bubb did) that it is important not to think that "if only we get rid of some at the top we will be able to move on".
Monday, 18 June 2012
I might well have been on table 50 as Sir Stephen suggests but that could mean I am Nick Hancock or Steve Punt. Or Dylan Twirley.
Thursday, 14 June 2012
I was up in Oxford, naturally, for a few days staying with my nephew Alex who is doing his PhD As I told Alex I knew Vanessa before she was even born! Never really off duty I get an email from the office to see if I want to respond to a loony report from the ineptly named "Institute of Gamponomic Affairs". About sock puppets. This individually and corporate funded sock puppet brolly organisation are whinging about state funded sock puppet brollies (though brollies make terrible sock puppets, and sock puppets make even worse umbrellas).
Apparently state funded sock puppets were used to further Labour priorities and should be stopped, which is no way the conclusion of a right leaning sock puppet seeking to further its own political priorities from beneath the canopy of supposed independence. They make the assumption that because they receive no government money they are automatically impartial and of course it is wholly correct to say that the cash of wealthy individuals or corporates has NEVER influenced anything EVER so they must be unbiased.
I decide can't be arsed to respond to something so silly as it only encourages them, a philosophy I am pleased my own opponents don't always adhere to.
And tonight, will it be the night when I finally win the outstanding leadership award at the Canopy Awards at the Gampsvenor Hotel in London? I have a spontaneous 4 hour speech prepared just in case. Though no doubt the organisers and judges will wriggle out of honouring me by saying I can just share the award Sir Hubert won a while back when I move into his box room later this year. If you do see me tonight please say hello and remember the code word - "peerage".
Monday, 11 June 2012
A couple of months ago I bumped into him on Sunday lunchtime at the pub. I sat down with him and his family, uninvited, and started haranguing him about the brolly tax nonsense. After a couple of hours of this I ducked off to the toilet for 15 minutes. When I got back to the table he had done a runner! Just left me there. Heartless.
It could have been worse. His daughter Nancy had been badgering him to buy her a Hannah Montana umbrella and he left her in the pub as well when she went for a wee. He now claims he had just forgotten her as he was "too chillaxed" but I know the truth. It's just lucky for her he hadn't taken her to Amnesty International where she may have become falsely imprisoned in their toilets like I did once.
Thursday, 7 June 2012
But I seek no thanks. Success is its own reward. And I was spotted by the policy paparazzi wonk Craig Trevor as these pictures illustrate.
I did over indulge a little bit but can you find a Doctor at 3 in the morning? No. Bloody doctors with their curing people on their own terms nonsense.
But for now, as I discussed with Brolly Minister Rick T'Hurd we need to move on to the important business and issues facing the umbrella sector. Such as keeping my profile high by finding something else for me to bleat on about all over the media. These peerages won't bestow themselves. As I know, having already tried that method.
Thursday, 31 May 2012
Wednesday, 23 May 2012
That is why I am going for a heavier touch today as I report on my whine tasting last night. But don't think this was a nasty capitalist thing in the City. I would still have gone if it was, but it wasn't. Oh no; it was the Whine Society which is an uncooperative owned by its members (of whom I am one) and has been running since 1874! It sources the finest whines, whinges, bleats, rants, complaints, protestations and grizzles from around the world and lets people taste them to see how they sound in their own mouths.
We did have a selection of organic whines! In fact overall there were 50 to choose from and I need to report I did not taste all! From time to time I like to make helpful suggestions on what the stressed CEO should do to relax so let me give you my whine tip.
Bloody bankers are to blame for everything. A beautiful whine.
I was with Head Hunter Honcho Donald Holding. I wasn't really but I haven't mentioned that I haven't mentioned him in the blog for 3 weeks or so now and he's getting twitchy,
Anyway this week I am studying the papers and listening to the news with strange intent for on Friday I appear on the Panel for Any Questions on Radio 4, which is fast becoming my third home. I admit I am somewhat nervous. Please don't ask a question on football or the outbreak of World War One or who vandalised the Blue Peter garden or who sang "Take me Out" or I might be reduced to a pathetic "who is Ferdinand?" The other question I dread is "what the fuck are you doing on Any Questions?" but I can wing that by using the same tactics I have used when asked a similar question by my trustees for the last ten years.
Friday, 18 May 2012
Gromit made the comments at a Q&A session marking two years of the Coalition and was standing in as a last minute replacement for Rick T'Hurd, the brolly minister who was at the hospital supporting his wife who had just taken out membership to the official party of opposition. Sorry. She had gone into labour*.
What isn't yet known is if Rick will name his new child after myself or Hubert, but I must have more chance due to the unisex nature of my moniker.
By the way, do you like the new look for my blog? I know my good friend and regular commenter Sir Bumble of Heep will be particularly taken with it and will even have his own theories as to the thinking behind it (see comment on my previous post).
* No one has EVER made that joke before. Ever
Monday, 14 May 2012
Still, I don't let that get in the way of BUBB's 25th anniversary celebrations where I laud our great membership (even though they can be a pain in the arse sometimes what with wanting to be properly represented and stuff) in the week where it has been revealed that our membership is declining. And we have had to make 3 staff redundant. But never mind eh? I am still here. Though I wonder if my trustees were dropping a hint when quizzing me about exit interviews earlier...
Tuesday, 8 May 2012
Monday, 30 April 2012
We need a properly independent body that isn't afraid to do what I do and say bollocks to truth and speak bollocks to power. Unless it's about the support of the umbrella sector for the NHS reforms of course.
I know I am in serious danger of completely misunderstanding the job of a regulator, who I haven't been afraid of pillorying in the past for doing too much regulating when they looked at some of my own possible breaches of regulation, but we need a body who can regulate and stand up to government while not regulating if that suits me better. We also need them to make the tea, wash the dishes, dust the shelves and solve world hunger, all on reduced funding.
Such independence could be achieved when appointing a successor to Dame Luci Vinyl as chair in the summer by using an independent appointments committee - which by astonishing coincidence is exactly the type of body I have recently become an assessor for. But even I haven't got the chutzpah to go further and suggest that such a committee could then use the services of a headhunter to secure the right candidate. A headhunter such as, oooh I don't know, off the top of my head, DONALD HOLDING.
If I was being really cynical and reading between the lines I might even be accused of putting myself forward for the job. Or at least helping to create a situation where I may be headhunted by someone tasked by an independent appointments committee. Quite independently of course.
Friday, 27 April 2012
"My jerry can is THIS full"
"Sir Robin ate this much couscous"
Answers on a postcard, in comments below, by email to email@example.com or on Twitter @robinbogg
Tuesday, 24 April 2012
The independence of Sir Robin Bogg has been called into question by Sir Robin Bogg who says he should have piped up against David Cameron's claims of BUBB support for the NHS Bill last month.
“You could argue claims of BUBB (and therefore implicitly the umbrella sector) support for the NHS Bill was a direct government endorsement of BUBB and umbrella sector support for the NHS Bill. Especially given my role in the listening exercise. I would have expected me to say something,” said Bogg.
While he praised the rest of the sector for uniting to question Cameron, he said he had failed to defend the umbrella sector when he needed to.
“One area of disappointment was me. I had expected me to be a little more robust in defending the sector when accusations were being made about supporting the NHS Bill. It shouldn’t have been left to others to point this out. I should have been doing that.”
When faced with Cameron's claims that BUBB and the umbrella sector supported the NHS Bill, I should have held the government to account, said Sir Robin.
“It does pose a question about how independent my role as chair of the competition part of the listening exercise was if I am not prepared to stand up and speak my mind robustly.”
Sir Robin Bogg declined to respond to the comments but he said that if he had he would probably have denied he was being hypocritical and self-serving.
Bloody press, eh? Making me look silly by quoting what I told them to get myself some publicity.
However, I will have no such qualms about criticising the Umbrella Commission for not responding to Cameron's dodgy umbrella comments. It should have defended umbrellas. And if it doesn't defend itself from my attack on them for not defending umbrellas against attacks I will attack them for not defending themselves. And so on until we all disappear in a recursive vortex.
Such is the unravelling of the government's commitment to boost the giving of umbrellas that they have had to cancel the giving summit. Well, not cancel entirely, but it has been scaled right back and no one is going now. Certainly not me as the drinks reception has been canned.
That'll learn them.
Thursday, 19 April 2012
I've been to one of these famed consultations before. I stormed out over umbrella gift aid a couple of years ago as I didn't get my own way and the lunch was rubbish. It became clear the main purpose of the exercise was window dressing and being seen to listen when in reality it was a done deal. The government always packs these things with people they know agree with them. So I would not be surprised when they set up this new consultation to see Milly Coinfee and Mervyn Naredowell, both supporters of the government's position, on the invite list.
This sort of thing would never happen with the NHS consultation, for example, where I, a vocal supporter of competition was appointed chair of the panel on competition in a listening exercise that was all for show and had no effect upon the pre-determined priorities of the government when the Bill was published. Completely different.
But to be clear; if HMT think they can drown opposition in a sultry summer shower then they can think again. They have roused the wrath of a strong and influential sector. We will overturn this nonsense, I am sure of it, and you can also be sure that if we do I will be at the forefront of claiming the credit.
Saturday, 14 April 2012
Friday, 13 April 2012
Wednesday, 11 April 2012
Monday, 9 April 2012
I wish I could turn this into a metaphor for the British political system. Or society. Or my own career but I can't.
What was pleasant was how many people seemed to know who I was. In the streets strangers kept approaching saying "don't you remember me? I am a waiter at your hotel. I have no money as I have lost my wallet. Can you lend me some and I will pay you back later". Very careless these waiters as it seemed to happen a lot and cost me a fortune, especially as I was never able to find them back at the hotel to get my money back. If I was cynical I would suspect a scam.
Friday, 30 March 2012
True leadership is about writing blog posts entitled leadership which display sod all leadership but plenty of self-serving whinging
Wednesday, 28 March 2012
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
Monday, 26 March 2012
Thursday, 22 March 2012
Monday, 19 March 2012
Friday, 16 March 2012
Friday, 9 March 2012
A great lunch - dunno what we talked about but it was plentiful and he paid.
I'd started the day meeting with BUBB members who are part of our professional associations special interest group. One of our BUBB treasures is the network of some 15 SIGs covering the interests and passions of our members' spheres of work. They rightly reminded me that we must always fight the corner of the professionals as well as those of our service delivery brolly organisations. Which was awkward as BUBB has a large membership in professional bodies like some of the ones representing health professionals who are against the NHS reforms that BUBB has been represented as endorsing by that weasel Cameron. Therefore worth a bit of cosying up and honeyed words to keep them onside. These jollies and canape fuelled commission launches won't be funded out of members subscriptions by themselves you know.
And the evening was a dinner with old friend Ian Scorn MP who was one of those ministers under my protege Tony Blair who got the value of and fought for the brolly sector. He also wrote the infamous note to the incoming Tories when he left the Treasury saying that all the umbrellas were broken. He's a bugger to go out to dinner with mind. I nipped to the jacks at one point and came back to find he'd scoffed all my food and just left a letter explaining there was no couscous left.
Tuesday, 6 March 2012
Monday, 5 March 2012
Saturday, 3 March 2012
Thursday, 1 March 2012
Wednesday, 29 February 2012
Sunday, 26 February 2012
Did you see it? Everyone's favourite right wing complete arse of a columnist who isn't Richard Littlejohn. Or Melanie Phillips. Or Jan Moir. Or Jeremy Clarkson. Or any of the countless others, Crispin Shitts, has written about me in the Daily Fail.
"Among those attending David Cameron’s health ‘summit’ in Downing Street this week was the richly comic figure of Sir Robin Bogg, a ‘Brolly Sector’ schmoozer who has wormed his way into Whitehall and writes a Pooterish blog which almost defies satire.
‘Bogglet’, as he is known, loves to make politicians feel comfortable in the presence of esteemed beings such as his good self. What a shiny button he is! And the ultimate gampagne socialist. One of his recent blogs is positively poetic about the beneficial blessings of premier cru gampagne."
Firstly I have never been known as Bogglet. Then he says "schmoozer" and "wormed his way in" and "gampagne socialist" as if they are bad things. I am proud to be known for such things, it is what I do.
And my blog defies satire does it? He should try reading my spoofer Sir Stephen Bubb's (see here for his brilliant parody of Shitts' shite, just after his toss about George Carey).
The ultimate irony of course is that someone with a track record of outrageous, self serving writing as Shitts should take me to task for the same. If he's not careful I shall do what I always do when something angers me - write a sternly worded epistle to the Times. And if he really riles me I shall invoke the wisdom of a Russian to tenuously back up my arguments. Either Catherine the Great or Trotsky. Or maybe whoever ordered Markov's killing.
As ever my enemies would do well to remember Markov (click here). You don't hear much of Dylan Twirley these days do you, eh?
Tuesday, 21 February 2012
Tuesday, 7 February 2012
Wednesday, 1 February 2012
I did manage to secure stay in the magnificently flooded city of Venice over the weekend for the EuCLUTS (European Committee of Leadership in Umbrella Technology and Sophistication) board meeting. EuCLUTS is a fantastic organisation that has boosted my travel CV loads AND has made a valuable contribution to propping up the Eurozone on the back of my members' money.