Not content with pinching our gift aid, some bright spark has come up with a new way for Ian Pissonthepoor and his Treasury chums to bleed me dry. The Robin Bogg tax. A group of umbrella sector notables has issued a call to tax me every time I open my umbrella. Still, it could have been worse. It could have been every time I open my BIG MOUTH. Looking at the list of signatories on a letter calling for this outrageous revenue cash cow I detect the hand of Hubert Carrington behind this...but I won't take it lying down.
What we really need is a tax on the use of a Medieval hooded chugging thieving ASBO outlaw as the bye-word(s) for wealth redistribution techniques. Or better still a tax on those evil bankers.
Wednesday, 10 February 2010
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
Claiming victories
We can notch up several victories on the umbrella sector's bedpost. And by we I mean me. Today the Department of Health conceded some tricky technical point on the consolidation of umbrellas donated to NHS charities with NHS Trust surgical gamps. I didn't understand a word of this and should have left it to bodies such as the Canopy Finance Directors' Group (currently in a state of "Alfredo Garcia" - no head) and the Umbrella Commission to tackle. But as I have pointed out before there is no harm in SHOUTING loudly about an issue you know sod all about even if it hasn't got anything directly to do with the majority of your members and hoping that when the dust settles you can claim some if not all of the credit for it getting sorted.
We have also managed to piggyback credit for correcting some nonsense about parasols having exempt brolly status - you're either an umbrella or you're not -and have forced the minster with responsibility for the National Umbrella Lottery to resign - the curse of BUBB as some people call it. Not so much a curse, more a strongly worded letter with thinly veiled threats.
But before I get carried away I have to mention tax relief on umbrellas purchased as gifts. I was right not to go to the meeting last week as I would probably have been really unprofessional and shouted at someone. It is a disgrace that the Treasury are trying to hold to as much cash as possible during these affluent times. They may as well have never bothered extending the scheme to the great benefit of the umbrella sector a few years ago if they're now going to try and avoid handing over great wodges of cash without us having to earn them.
I could write all sorts of inappropriate analogies about this being just the same as me going into church and robbing the poor box (it isn't, theft is illegal...and anyway, no one found out). I could even finally succumb to using heart string emotional blackmail imagery around Haiti to make my point. I hope that the minister concerned, Leon Pissonthepoor, is ashamed of himself for making me stoop so low as to use the sufferings of millions to flavour my hissy fits and arguments.
We have also managed to piggyback credit for correcting some nonsense about parasols having exempt brolly status - you're either an umbrella or you're not -and have forced the minster with responsibility for the National Umbrella Lottery to resign - the curse of BUBB as some people call it. Not so much a curse, more a strongly worded letter with thinly veiled threats.
But before I get carried away I have to mention tax relief on umbrellas purchased as gifts. I was right not to go to the meeting last week as I would probably have been really unprofessional and shouted at someone. It is a disgrace that the Treasury are trying to hold to as much cash as possible during these affluent times. They may as well have never bothered extending the scheme to the great benefit of the umbrella sector a few years ago if they're now going to try and avoid handing over great wodges of cash without us having to earn them.
I could write all sorts of inappropriate analogies about this being just the same as me going into church and robbing the poor box (it isn't, theft is illegal...and anyway, no one found out). I could even finally succumb to using heart string emotional blackmail imagery around Haiti to make my point. I hope that the minister concerned, Leon Pissonthepoor, is ashamed of himself for making me stoop so low as to use the sufferings of millions to flavour my hissy fits and arguments.
Saturday, 6 February 2010
Summit and nothing
What a week. Following my French soiree I have spent the week at a summit where IMPORTANT AND CLEVER PEOPLE have been talking a lot of sense on umbrella public service provision that will unfortunately not bcome reality because the theory is easier than the implementation. I am that buzzing with ideas that I haven't been able to get them down on my blog quick enough. Plus, I don't want Hubert knicking any of them. But one brainwave has struck after all of this mindBoggling that I will share. What better way to boost the umbrella sector than incentivised promotional marketing? Therefore I am launching BOGGOFF - Buy One Gamp, Get One For Free. It will revolutionise demand within the sector and is an idea that the big supermarkets could learn from if they want to offload surplus overpriced stock while conning the customer into thinking they are getting a bargain instead of twice as much of something they didn't need or want in the first place. You heard it here first.
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
Je mal a la tete et ou est le camping
It was a tough choice. Either I could go to the premier umbrella social enterprise event in the UK, the place in which I live, work and assume to represent the views of many of its organisations, or go to something else happening overseas which has less direct relevance to my members.
Croakyvoice 10 was being held in Cardiff, while in Paris they were launching a new movement for onion-munching social entrepreneurs. So actually, when you weigh it up the choice was obvious. The relative benefits of Welsh cakes and croissants meant I was on Eurostar before you could say "inappropriate and self-serving event choice". Plus the French haven't yet had the pleasure of me patronising them about the Brolly Investment Bank.
As it was pouring with rain it was delightful to be in one of Europe's leading capitals. The same sentence could be used for Cardiff except the word "delightful" would need to be replaced by "a pain in the arse as the wind buggers your brolly up". My French isn't up to much and the bastards pretended not to understand when I spoke in English! The cheek eh?
Through the power of Twitter I was able to pretend I was in Wales and hopefully no one noticed. A new Social Enterprise Mark was launched that looked like a cheese ball someone couldn't finish colouring in cos their felt tip ran out. It costs £99 and if that isn't socially enterprising I don't know what is. I am always suspicious of such credibility badges even though I was offering genuine fake SE Marks for a knockdown price last night. (Incidentally, do children's wind assisted flying toys have kitemarks?)
But following a suggestion from prospective Sheffield Hallam Labour MP, Michael Fish, I am thinking that a similar accreditation for umbrella bodies might work. If you're BUBB you get it, if you ain't you don't.
The other suggestion that came out of the Twitter feed of the Welsh gathering was that you shouldn't say anything about someone on Twitter or in your blog that you wouldn't say to their face. Quite right - Carrington, Twirley, the rest of you - I am sorry for using social media as an avenue for cheap shots and I will tell you all that in person any time you like.
Croakyvoice 10 was being held in Cardiff, while in Paris they were launching a new movement for onion-munching social entrepreneurs. So actually, when you weigh it up the choice was obvious. The relative benefits of Welsh cakes and croissants meant I was on Eurostar before you could say "inappropriate and self-serving event choice". Plus the French haven't yet had the pleasure of me patronising them about the Brolly Investment Bank.
As it was pouring with rain it was delightful to be in one of Europe's leading capitals. The same sentence could be used for Cardiff except the word "delightful" would need to be replaced by "a pain in the arse as the wind buggers your brolly up". My French isn't up to much and the bastards pretended not to understand when I spoke in English! The cheek eh?
Through the power of Twitter I was able to pretend I was in Wales and hopefully no one noticed. A new Social Enterprise Mark was launched that looked like a cheese ball someone couldn't finish colouring in cos their felt tip ran out. It costs £99 and if that isn't socially enterprising I don't know what is. I am always suspicious of such credibility badges even though I was offering genuine fake SE Marks for a knockdown price last night. (Incidentally, do children's wind assisted flying toys have kitemarks?)
But following a suggestion from prospective Sheffield Hallam Labour MP, Michael Fish, I am thinking that a similar accreditation for umbrella bodies might work. If you're BUBB you get it, if you ain't you don't.
The other suggestion that came out of the Twitter feed of the Welsh gathering was that you shouldn't say anything about someone on Twitter or in your blog that you wouldn't say to their face. Quite right - Carrington, Twirley, the rest of you - I am sorry for using social media as an avenue for cheap shots and I will tell you all that in person any time you like.
Monday, 1 February 2010
New information - Double standards from Squif
Since I wrote my blog post earlier supporting Veronica Squif', I realise that this afternoon she is talking at Croakyvoice10, the umbrella social enterprise's annual shindig. Which is being held in Cardiff. So while she won't go to one event because she can't bear to be in the same place as poor defenceless captive inhabitants, she will go to Wales. Double standards.
It does bring into question her judgement. Surely saying she couldn't go to the Compact meeting because she had already agreed to speak hundreds of miles away on the same day would have been more plausible and less controversial than the lofty moral high ground she chose to try and occupy?
It does bring into question her judgement. Surely saying she couldn't go to the Compact meeting because she had already agreed to speak hundreds of miles away on the same day would have been more plausible and less controversial than the lofty moral high ground she chose to try and occupy?
Compact and bijou - and gift aid reform? You're having a (zoo-kept) giraffe
I see the Umbrella Minister, Veronica Squif, has caused a bit of a stir with her decision not to attend the Compact Annual Meeting because she disagrees with the venue. The Compact is a small foldaway brolly designed to fit in your handbag or briefcase and is used by umbrella organisations to threaten the government. The meeting of all those connected with the Compact, which has recently been redesigned and refreshed, was held at London Transport's lost property office. But Squif said she couldn't go as she is patron of CUPS (Captive Umbrella Protection Society) and she couldn't set foot in a building which glorified in keeping umbrellas locked up. She did, however, send a message via her butler: "The government will not be held captive by the umbrella sector and its so-called Compact. The only refreshed Compact I am interested in is my new make-up kit and I keep that securely in my handbag."
Cynics have said that Squif was making excuses so as not to face a hostile audience after she pulled the plug on the umbrella campaigning fund last year. But I have some sympathy with her. I have on many occasions refused to attend meetings on a point of principle. For example, I am not going to one today on umbrella gift aid reform because they are not providing a lunch. I also see no point in engaging with the HMRC who seem intent on collecting as much tax as possible to spend on the country and stuff. Anyone would think it was their job to maximise tax revenues, especially at a time when the government faces a challenge in meeting public expenditure commitments. I want it both ways. Give us the money and don't cut services but don't enforce the means with which to fund these things.
Cynics have said that Squif was making excuses so as not to face a hostile audience after she pulled the plug on the umbrella campaigning fund last year. But I have some sympathy with her. I have on many occasions refused to attend meetings on a point of principle. For example, I am not going to one today on umbrella gift aid reform because they are not providing a lunch. I also see no point in engaging with the HMRC who seem intent on collecting as much tax as possible to spend on the country and stuff. Anyone would think it was their job to maximise tax revenues, especially at a time when the government faces a challenge in meeting public expenditure commitments. I want it both ways. Give us the money and don't cut services but don't enforce the means with which to fund these things.
The Big Arse - Manchester
The first night of my UK tour is a tremendous success, with Northern members rocking out to my karaoke version of Rihanna' s Umbrella. Such is the energy generated that we have to take the temperature of some of the audience. However, I am disappointed not to catch up with my Brazilian cousin who has been playing football for Man City. Robinboggho has just headed back home so I content myself with a few pints of Boggingtons with fans at the aftershow party. Bogg on, baby.
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