Thursday, 31 May 2012

Brolly Tax Relief U-Turn


Details to follow

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Brolly Sector Whine

Yes, that's whine not wine! Not even I would do a blog post about quaffing fine wines to cheer everyone up even though they have all been a bit gloomy of late what with losing their jobs and the recession and the government's peerless governing! I suspect my spoofer Sir Stephen Bubb will make some joke confusing whine with wine to try and mock me and draw me into a response but I am not falling for that.

That is why I am going for a heavier touch today as I report on my whine tasting last night. But don't think this was a nasty capitalist thing in the City. I would still have gone if it was, but it wasn't. Oh no; it was the Whine Society which is an uncooperative owned by its members (of whom I am one) and has been running since 1874! It sources the finest whines, whinges, bleats, rants, complaints, protestations and grizzles from around the world and lets people taste them to see how they sound in their own mouths.  

We did have a selection of organic whines! In fact overall there were 50 to choose from and I need to report I did not taste all! From time to time I like to make helpful suggestions on what the stressed CEO should do to relax so let me give you my whine tip. 

Bloody bankers are to blame for everything. A beautiful whine.

I was with Head Hunter Honcho Donald Holding. I wasn't really but I haven't mentioned that I haven't mentioned him in the blog for 3 weeks or so now and he's getting twitchy,

Anyway this week I am studying the papers and listening to the news with strange intent for on Friday I appear on the Panel for Any Questions on Radio 4, which is fast becoming my third home. I admit I am somewhat nervous. Please don't ask a question on football or the outbreak of World War One or who vandalised the Blue Peter garden or who sang "Take me Out" or I might be reduced to a pathetic "who is Ferdinand?" The other question I dread is "what the fuck are you doing on Any Questions?" but I can wing that by using the same tactics I have used when asked a similar question by my trustees for the last ten years.

Friday, 18 May 2012

Hanging's too good for him

Now I am not one to over react to comments I disagree with (isn't that right Dylan Twirley) but I think Lord Gromit should be executed. Not for what he has said about dodgy umbrellas and some gamps being more worthy than others but because it would leave a vacancy in the upper chamber. Which is being reformed by my mate Dave especially, so I hear, to allow me a chance to get my robes in return for writing what he wanted in MY report on the NHS.

Gromit made the comments at a Q&A session marking two years of the Coalition and was standing in as a last minute replacement for Rick T'Hurd, the brolly minister who was at the hospital supporting his wife who had just taken out membership to the official party of opposition. Sorry. She had gone into labour*.

What isn't yet known is if Rick will name his new child after myself or Hubert, but I must have more chance due to the unisex nature of my moniker.

By the way, do you like the new look for my blog? I know my good friend and regular commenter Sir Bumble of Heep will be particularly taken with it and will even have his own theories as to the thinking behind it (see comment on my previous post).

* No one has EVER made that joke before. Ever

Monday, 14 May 2012

Silver BUBBilee

Oooh, hark at me, I have been all over the papers like a bad metaphorical cliche after my lecture on forgotten umbrellas in Britain. Although we have had some blissful wet weather recently there are still many umbrellas that are not realising their full potential as government cuts continue to bite.

Still, I don't let that get in the way of BUBB's 25th anniversary celebrations where I laud our great membership (even though they can be a pain in the arse sometimes what with wanting to be properly represented and stuff) in the week where it has been revealed that our membership is declining. And we have had to make 3 staff redundant. But never mind eh? I am still here. Though I wonder if my trustees were dropping a hint when quizzing me about exit interviews earlier...

Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Benazir Bhoggo

Shocking pictorial evidence of my spoofer Sir Stephen Bubb's closeness and influence on former Pakistan leader Benazir Bhoggo can be seen here. Warning: contains disturbing images of fashion crimes.