Friday, 23 December 2011
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
Monday, 19 December 2011
Tuesday, 6 December 2011
Monday, 5 December 2011
Wednesday, 9 November 2011
Wednesday, 2 November 2011
Sunday, 30 October 2011
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
Thursday, 20 October 2011
Tuesday, 11 October 2011
Wednesday, 28 September 2011
Which party conference am I at this week? It's hard to tell the difference when you listen to the speeches
Now in Liverpool. More networking and speaking bollocks to truth and those not in power.
Did some media on the Desmond health lottery which I think is a disgrace and tell anyone who will listen about it thus giving it loads of free publicity. How dare someone try and pretend to care about those less fortunate than them in a hollow gesture designed to further his own career. As a direct competitor It will divert money from the National Lottery and there is no place for competition or lotteries in health matters. Unless I am talking about competition and the lottery it will make of the NHS in MY recent report in which case it is perfectly OK and definitely not a dirty word.
We had a joint BUBB-NCVO fringe event (to which Sir Hubert was obviously banned for not being in possession of one. I will never tire of that joke) and had a speech from the great God Megagrand, brother of the man who should have become Labour leader, about our sector's role. He is most effective and talks about how he feels he is "coming home" as his first job was as brolly sector Minister. And he made the most charming remarks about yours truly (he didn't).
Shame he didn't give me a mention in his keynote speech yesterday. He did helpfully point out that he wasn't Tony Blair though he'd better not forget my influence on his career like Tony has if he wants to avoid being compared to him in future. I invented Tony Blair when we were at Oxford, naturally, and single-handedly put God on the first rung to not becoming Prime Minister and he'd do well to remember that.
I thought he made some good points about ending the UK's fast buck culture, which I have already had printed onto T-Shirts and have been selling for £20 a pop. And I thought it was helpful for a man with a vested interest in being seen to tackle vested interests say he was going to tackle vested interests. I deplore vested interests, personally, except the ones that help me.
Hector Rule spoke for the sector in saying at times of gloom we should also remember to have fun and keep our spirits up! Which will come as a great tonic to all the poor broken brollies struggling to make spokes meet that we are supposed to be representing. I mean, it's all very well to let your hair down, but it's even better to brag about it in a way that may be construed as insensitive.
And with that I took to the stage with the rest of the Boggleg Beatles band, the Fab Jobsworth Four. We did a great version of Rain (naturally), I Wanna Hold Your Handle and Lady Gampdonna.
Then there were some requests from the Twitter crowd:
Here Comes the Sun/Rain/Sun, Happiness Ain't a Worn Gamp and the Rubber Parasoul album in its entirety - @scottishwampa
While My Gutter Gently Weeps - @ephemeraldog
Umbrell-i Umbrell-a - @br1mcg
Brollythene Pam - @DRstarT
Helter Shelter - @matthewjrudd
Norwegian Wood-handled Umbrella (This Gamp has Flown) - @domweinberg
And we finished with me belting out "I am the Boggman, I am the Boggman, I am shameless".
Monday, 26 September 2011
Monday, 12 September 2011
Tuesday, 6 September 2011
Friday, 26 August 2011
Monday, 22 August 2011
Wednesday, 17 August 2011
Thursday, 11 August 2011
Some twatty MP has accused the National Truss and CPRU (Council for Protection of Rural Umbrellas) of harbouring "left wingers"! These are venerable national institutions we are talking about. They are indeed national treasures run by rather marvellous staff and volunteers. But harbouring Andy Sinton, Tony Galvin, Stewart Downing, John Robertson, John Barnes, Eddie Gray etc? I don't think so.
Not that there is anything wrong with communism as long as it is diluted with a touch of fizzy hypocrisy. I should know what with being a true gampagne socialist - the Brollinger Bolshevik.
Monday, 8 August 2011
Umbrellas have been highlighting the impact that cuts in government funding are having on sheltering the most vulnerable people in society. And some bloggers, politicians and columnists have made statements about brollies that are wrong. Earl Scalding at NCVO calls them myths and has set himself up as a myth buster, presumably harbouring some Bill Murray/Dan Ackroyd delusion.
So I just wanted to set the record straight. There are no myths. The existence of myths is a myth. Just because so called facts are repeated to fit agendas when they are incorrect does not make them myths. Perception is very important and as long as people believe things are true that is the main thing. For example, consider how I have recently been portrayed all over the media as a brolly sector expert. It has become an established fact, entrenched by appearing all over the media as a brolly sector expert. People see me on the TV labelled as an expert so ask me to appear on something else and give an opinion, regardless of whether I am an expert or not. Self perpetuation in glorious action (also known as the Taxpayers' Alliance effect).
It is vital that this myth about so called myths is debunked as being a myth otherwise it will have an impact on decision making. As in people making decisions that may affect my career. But if there were any of these so called mythical myths, it would probably be the seven listed below.
Myth #1: Sir Robin Bogg lives off government handouts
This is simply not true. While I have whored my Knighthood around shamelessly to boost my profile, I also live off endless free fizz and canapes blagged at networking events, and lunches with bankers (who are all evil apart from when they feed me).
Myth #2: Sir Robin Bogg funded by government isn't a ‘real’ brolly sector expert
Again, this is not true. I am quite capable of proclaiming to be an expert on whatever I choose irrespective of who is asking me to produce, for example, a report on the health service and brollies.
Myth #3: Sir Robin Bogg doesn't pay any tax
Simply not true. I do pay tax, especially when I can fiddle it through expenses and I am a darn sight better at tipping Italian waitresses than my mate Dave, for instance, especially when the tip goes on expenses as well.
Myth #4: Sir Robin Bogg isn't playing his part in dealing with the deficit
More bollocks. No one has worked harder than me at talking the umbrella sector into the blackest scenario that can possibly be painted to put themselves into a position where they can be seen to be the saviour of umbrellas everywhere.
Myth #5 Sir Robin Bogg can just fundraise his way out of trouble
In theory yes, but can I actually be arsed?
Myth #6 Sir Robin Bogg is just sitting on massive piles of cash
Piffle. Yes I am sitting on massive piles but I have ointment for that. This perception that I am accumulating personal wealth from a career built on the back of the dampest members of society is simply not true and I will repeat that statement from the porch of either of my two houses or from any of my many foreign holidays.
Myth #7 Sir Robin Bogg works for free, so what does he need your money for?
More cock and arse. Yes volunteering is very important and the brolly sector is indebted to the number of gamps getting wet for no reward. But this idea that I myself volunteer without recompense is a nonsense. Voluntary positions such as chairing things are only worth doing if there is payment.
Thursday, 4 August 2011
Wednesday, 3 August 2011
Friday, 29 July 2011
Wednesday, 20 July 2011
Friday, 15 July 2011
Friday, 8 July 2011
Edited highlights of the last week as I have been too busy to keep up with the frantic blogging of my spoofer
I was then supposed to then fly off to Edinburgh for the Sector Wedding of the year. My marvellous director of strategy (hang on, we have a strategy?) Fab Jobsworth marrying Lucky Robins in Borders bookshop on Saturday.
But I had to delay my flight as I was asked to number 10 to talk about public service reform. We had a good roundtable to talk about how to promote this. When I say good I mean in terms of my usual measurement of success - how well known the names of the other attendees were for the purpose of dropping them all over my blog. Key ministers like Danny Kendallexander, Gulliver Leftwing although he spent all of his time on Twitter (check out his feed at @oliverletwinmp, he's non stop and gives Twitter readers the full benefit of his wisdom on every subject.). The PM was also there for a period which given that he lives there wasn't surprising though he did give me a look as to say "why are you in my kitchen again? You've written that sodding report so stop bothering me to actually read it".
Friday, 1 July 2011
Tired of thinking of blog post titles about being tired of thinking of blog post titles about being tired
Monday, 27 June 2011
We said goodbye to Donovan Lewis last night with champagne in a down market pub by Goldman Sachs. I will leave you to pick out the contradictory bones out of that last sentence. I wish him well, he will be hard to replace but with a bit of luck Donald will recruit me so I can, as I have mentioned before, supplement my meagre chair's salary with a decent wedge.