Monday, 5 December 2011

Latest on NHS competition

I am taking a brief retirement from retiring from blogging. Not much has happened to me to be honest since I was last here peddling my own brand of self publicising pomposity. I have again been conflicted by my hatred of the evil bankers and my desire to milk them for sponsorship money. I have been pounding the streets knocking on doors and trying to flog the loan of umbrellas, whether people want them or not.

In keeping with my desire to do as many jobs on top of the one I am paid for by BUBB members as possible I had a brief spell working as a diversity consultant for Tramlink in Croydon which involved me dressing in drag and chatting to fellow customers.

Oh, and my secondment as Jeremy Clarkson's scritpwriter seemed to go without notice.

But other than that it has been very quiet really. No overseas trips now for a couple of weeks. The furthest I have been is walking the dog in Richmond Park, herding deer etc. Though confusingly apparently people say I should now refer to Barkles as Farkles.

But I am very excited by the news that the NHS may be able to flog off patient records and medical data to private firms. Anonymously of course. As people may know I am a keen fan of competition in the NHS and MY report earlier this year made this very clear. Competition is not a disease. And if it were there would be a very long waiting list to cure it. And it is not a dirty word. Parasiticfuckvultures is. But not competition.

Therefore I am delighted that I can make some spare cash by auctioning off my medical history. I am even happy to waive anonymity.

So does anyone want to buy some information on when I was diagnosed with slightly high blood pressure? Who wants details of when I got a splinter just above my eye when I was 5 and needed stitches? Let's start the bidding at £3.50.

Diabetes check when I was 12 (negative). Yours for a fiver. Notes on my visit to the nit nurse in 1984? £1.50 and it's yours. £14 for info about the dodgy mole on my back that turned out to be harmless circa 1998.

If only I had a serious illness I'd be laughing all the way to the bank. It's so unfair

Can I charge higher for details of all the children in my family? Sick kids are the future of the profit driven privately run NHS after all so surely it is worth the private sector investing more now.

I will even throw in my my bank details while we're at it. It will save time for when the government accidentally leaks* them later on.

(*Sells them to fund wars in various countries)

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