Tired of thinking of blog post titles about being tired of thinking of blog post titles about being tired

Decided to take a few days break after a lot of my members kept saying I looked tired. Or maybe they said they were tired of looking at me. Whatever, I headed off to Edinboggrh for a rest. But on my return I have been busy getting back into the day job and have not been continually blogging about health issues as that might lead people to believe I can now only think about the NHS and am being retained as an unpaid unofficial spinner of the government line on competition and am using my BUBB role and blog to do this. That would mean I was completely ignoring my many members using umbrellas in other sectors and wouldn't be right.

Hector Rule, my deputy, keeps putting things in my diary to keep me out of the office so he can carry on running BUBB properly while I pretend to have moved on from my NHS derisory, sorry, advisory post.

Still, if I had have been blogging about health stuff I would definitely have labelled the BMA (Brolly Medical Arses) a disgrace because they don't agree with me. What do they know about the health service? They're not experts like I am.

They run down patient choice when we all know patient choice is key to the reforms. I know this because I talked to loads of patients when writing MY report. OK, I didn't but I know that most patients want a choice. And if they don't it's not their choice. Patient choice will be at the heart of the dismantled NHS as people will have to be patient when making a choice about how much time they decide to wait for unprofitable treatment before paying cash to the private sector vultures.

I was furious with my interview in Brolly Weekly. OK, they did a very good job of allowing me to pitch a one sided justification for my controversial decision to presume to speak on behalf of the whole umbrella sector in helping Cameron out with MY report. But the cartoon was a disgrace. Made me look as if I had been trying to apply clown make-up on a roller coaster.

I will just finish with a plea to the Rough Justice Secretary Gareth Sharke who has announced plans to make it mandatory to stab burglars or indeed anyone who looks at your stuff longingly. But I am confused by this. Does it mean that attacking burglars is only permitted with a knife or are other instruments allowed? Because all of my knives have been stolen by bastard burglars. Would an umbrella suffice or would there be legal complications? If brollies are allowed I will simply set up a trap for all of my enemies (Hubert, Dylan Twirley etc) and lure them into my home, bludgeon them with my gamp and claim I thought they were robbing me. But I am sure no one else would exploit this ill-thought through populist Middle England plan that values possessions over life as a way to wriggle out of, for example, a domestic incident. Would they?