Monday, 22 August 2011

Re-finding my moral mojo

These riots have had one good outcome. They have reinvigorated my enthusiasm for doing my job properly on behalf of my members. Instead of swanning around engaging on vanity projects for Dave I have been sticking up for brollies that were looted or who those who are trying to shelter the dampest members of society even though their numbers are being cut.

I have been speaking unusual good sense about how we should respond in a positive, constructive manner rather than just handing out irrational, unfair populist justice and flinging people into prison to slake the thirst of those seeking revenge. Mind you, a boost to prison numbers would increase the chances of the brolly sector running prisons which you may recall was a particular hobby horse of mine a couple of years ago. And Dylan Twirley is buggering off from NAVCA so won't be around to get all arsey with me and bring up such trivial matters as umbrella law.

I have been writing letters to the PM and everything although I expect he will be too busy to read them what with cutting short various holidays (official statistics show that he has now spent more time returning from holiday than he has being on a break or doing his job), stopping the riots with his bare hands, jerking off blame, and only today single-handedly taking on Gaddafi armed only with immense moral leadership and Libyarating an entire country. Nearly. What a guy.

As an aside I heard that he has blamed the Tripoli riots on the moral collapse of Libya's sick society, single parents and EU human rights legislation. I wonder if he'll give Gaddafi a second chance?

Oh, and BUBB has also launched a new commission on the unemployment of young brollies. This is the 48,748th Commission launched during my time as CEO and if we'd staffed and formed them all with unemployed young people rather than the usual trough guzzling suspects we'd have solved the problem of disaffected, disillusioned, hopeless and hapless youth by ourselves. Mind you, no one can say we haven't kept young people busy by ensuring there have been plenty of opportunities for them to peel spuds, make canapes, pour fizz and clean up the mess afterwards, for cash approaching the minimum wage, at our many launch parties.

And as a symbol of someone who has had his youthful promise cruelly halted as the job he craved was snatched from his grasp , what better person to chair this latest waffle wagon of speaking on behalf of others whether they want us to or not (and certainly don't ask them to take part) than Rabid Megagrand MP?

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