The alternative Graham Norton set..

I have returned from a few days off sulking in Blacbury. Blacbury is only a few miles away from Chipping Norton and the so called Chipping Norton set of liars and mover and shakers. It is a great shame that Cameron, Brooks and Elizabeth Murdoch have been plotting and scheming and manipulating power while lunching and horse riding and haven't included me.

We need to reclaim Chippy for the people (calling it Chippy should help enormously for a start I think). When I say people I don't mean normal people obviously. We don't want chavs in the Cotswolds - they need to be kept in their ghettoes where we can patronise them for the good of our own careers with promises of cheap brollies. What I mean are either other brolly sector important people like Duncan Gormless of the Brolly Emergency Committee or normal down to earth folk who unlike Murdoch' s evil empire don't seek to wield power by spreading propaganda through barely disguised lies and unsubstantiated stories. Like the Archbishop of Canterbury

It makes my flesh crawl to think that my favourite pub in the area was the scene recently of a tryst between Rupert and Rebekah and I wasn't invited for a menage a trois. I shall be writing to Rupert today inviting him and his gang of criminals to crash on the floor of my box room at Sir Hubert's gaff when I am forced to move there next year.