Wednesday, 28 September 2011

Which party conference am I at this week? It's hard to tell the difference when you listen to the speeches

Now in Liverpool. More networking and speaking bollocks to truth and those not in power.

Did some media on the Desmond health lottery which I think is a disgrace and tell anyone who will listen about it thus giving it loads of free publicity. How dare someone try and pretend to care about those less fortunate than them in a hollow gesture designed to further his own career. As a direct competitor It will divert money from the National Lottery and there is no place for competition or lotteries in health matters. Unless I am talking about competition and the lottery it will make of the NHS in MY recent report in which case it is perfectly OK and definitely not a dirty word.

We had a joint BUBB-NCVO fringe event (to which Sir Hubert was obviously banned for not being in possession of one. I will never tire of that joke) and had a speech from the great God Megagrand, brother of the man who should have become Labour leader, about our sector's role. He is most effective and talks about how he feels he is "coming home" as his first job was as brolly sector Minister. And he made the most charming remarks about yours truly (he didn't).

Shame he didn't give me a mention in his keynote speech yesterday. He did helpfully point out that he wasn't Tony Blair though he'd better not forget my influence on his career like Tony has if he wants to avoid being compared to him in future. I invented Tony Blair when we were at Oxford, naturally, and single-handedly put God on the first rung to not becoming Prime Minister and he'd do well to remember that.

I thought he made some good points about ending the UK's fast buck culture, which I have already had printed onto T-Shirts and have been selling for £20 a pop. And I thought it was helpful for a man with a vested interest in being seen to tackle vested interests say he was going to tackle vested interests. I deplore vested interests, personally, except the ones that help me.

Hector Rule spoke for the sector in saying at times of gloom we should also remember to have fun and keep our spirits up! Which will come as a great tonic to all the poor broken brollies struggling to make spokes meet that we are supposed to be representing. I mean, it's all very well to let your hair down, but it's even better to brag about it in a way that may be construed as insensitive.

And with that I took to the stage with the rest of the Boggleg Beatles band, the Fab Jobsworth Four. We did a great version of Rain (naturally), I Wanna Hold Your Handle and Lady Gampdonna.

Then there were some requests from the Twitter crowd:

Here Comes the Sun/Rain/Sun, Happiness Ain't a Worn Gamp and the Rubber Parasoul album in its entirety - @scottishwampa

While My Gutter Gently Weeps - @ephemeraldog

Umbrell-i Umbrell-a - @br1mcg

Brollythene Pam - @DRstarT

Helter Shelter - @matthewjrudd

Norwegian Wood-handled Umbrella (This Gamp has Flown) - @domweinberg

And we finished with me belting out "I am the Boggman, I am the Boggman, I am shameless".

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