Wednesday, 12 May 2010

Thank f**k that's over

Or has it all only just begun? Yep, we have a coalition as Clegg has sold out his party for the chance of polishing Cameron's shoes and buttering his crumpets.

I have been in Spain on a lads holiday in Torremolinos with Fab Jobsworth and Pepe Ohdearie. (We have met plenty of interesting people and I have photos of me with some chaps in basques). However, we have watched events unfold on BBC News 24's excellent rolling coverage which they have had on in the English pub here.

The way rolling news works is that it tries to second guess news and calls it news while waiting for the news it is trying to second guess.The main enjoyment was watching the ups and downs of Nick Robinson's mood. It's a good job he isn't the main political correspondent for an organisation that is supposed to be impartial.

He almost burst into tears when Brown resigned as Labour leader in an attempt to boost a Lab Lib Dem coalition and he kept banging on about "unelected PMs" with all the authority of someone who doesn't understand the system. I certainly never voted for Nick Robinson telling me what to think. He was so not in control of the facts that he claimed he had a full head of hair at one point.

In his defence he said: "It's not fair. I had only practiced what to say about Cameron winning not a hung parliament." To make things worse Dimbwit couldn't go to the toilet without seeking Nick's opinion. But all was well when things came to a climax and I bet he had a quiet moment with himself when Cameron was confirmed as leader.

Cameron's speech on the steps of No. 10 was interesting. Basically, he gushed 5 days worth of pent up rhetorical bollocks but made no mention at all of brollies.

I don't like coalition politics as it makes it harder to schmooze properly. We have been considering it in the umbrella sector. Hubert Carrington at NCVO claims to be the top brolly Daddy but hasn't got enough members to claim an overall majority over me. So he has been promising NAVCA all sorts of hollow promises in the hope that Dylan Twirley can prop up his leadership. We did have our own talks with NAVCA ourselves but they broke down because I don't like Dylan Twirley after he rubbished my plans to run prisons.

Things are going to be tough for the brolly sector as we try and work out which party we need to butter up but the government's top priority has to be sorting out my pet projects - the Bogg Society Bank and making sure Umbrellabuilders' brollies aren't diverted elsewhere. This is far more important than emergency budgets and electoral reform and stuff that everyone is bothered about.

I suspect next week I will be busy. Whinging.

Of course we still await the announcement of a brolly minister. It will probably be some unknown Lib Dem stooge. I was hoping for Eliza Maynotbetrusted but she has been made Staying At Home While Hubbie Goes to Work Secretary and Minister of Tokenism. But I am pleased it is nearly all over. It gives me the chance to get all whimsical about my approaching 10th anniversary at BUBB. More on this later.

1 comment:

  1. @ "Basically, he gushed 5 days worth of pent up rhetorical bollocks but made no mention at all of brollies." :-)