Been a functional few days doing work stuff. BUBB had a board meeting where our trustees are supposed to hold me to account but as there aren't nearly enough hours in the day to discuss all of my misadventures this very rarely happens. Instead I just pointed them to the rave reviews from my sell-out (in more ways than one) Big Arse tour, waffled about commaticising democroissanting (something I made up on the spot) and they soon lose the will to live let alone reprimand me for repeatedly straying a) outside of BUBB's objectives on some of my more madcap policy crusades b) outside of the UK on some of my more madcap foreign jaunt crusades.
I have a great lunch with Slick Ned, chair of the DirecTORY of Gampal Change You Can't Believe In. We go to some swanky restaurant in Westminster, a favoured haunt of Westminster types. Good for networking and I chat to a well known MP and a spad on the way in. Even though I am not quite sure what a spad is. I have googled it but am pretty confident I didn't enter into conversation with a French biplane. Probably some sort of slang for special adviser. Or a misspelled potato. Which amounts to the same thing.
We talk about cuts (of prime steak) and tough times ahead (if not cooked properly). As usual I see nothing hypocritical about debating the harsh reality many of the poorer umbrella owners in society will face over the coming months while stuffing myself silly with expensive food.
I also single-handedly save the Future Jobs Fund for trainee gamprentices, which I can impartially say is a brilliant idea as I invented it in the first place. Of course when I say save, I mean "sought clarification from the main parties that they wouldn't scrap it even though none of them had said they would" which isn't quite the same thing. The vague assurances the Tories gave that they weren't planning to change funding in this area were enough for me as we all know that what a politician says before an election, especially one as honourable as Eliza Maynotbetrusted, is gospel.
They probably weren't planning on axing it as they didn't know it existed in the first place. They do now so I may have inadvertently given them an idea of how to make some further cuts.
Next week I will be saving the planet by getting all the big global companies to promise they will try and recycle a bit more for the next six months if it doesn't inconvenience them too much.