Bogg Society blah blah

I can't believe how some of my colleagues are swooning and slathering over the government's Bogg Society drivel. It's like policy pornography to them. You would never catch me getting all excited over government promises and initiatives like a teenager being able to reach the top shelf for the first time.

Even though I invented the whole stupid half baked idea potato, where the State rolls back and lets communities get on with it - a sort of volunteer led anarchy that would place umbrellas at the heart of society (which Dom Blond keeps trying to take credit for), I never in a million years expected any one to run with it.

Apart from anything else these things are expensive. If the State is serious about withdrawing from doing stuff to save money it will need to spend money. Which has run out.

We have tried to engage with government about the role of brollies in public services. We made George Osborne a Bogg Offer. He told us to Bogg off.

Interesting that former Tory shadowy brolly sector spokesman Reg Spark has been made decentralisation minister. Genius. A government post created to control the removal of control.

Never fear, though. I have called a round table meeting next week so I can listen to the sound of my own voice. I suspect there will be plenty more about Bogg Society over the coming weeks.

Elsewhere last week I chaired a meeting of the Brolly Investment Business and I welcomed the election to parliament of my vice chair Millicent Oddbin as MP for Worst Westershire. She was still attached to her ripcord and safety harness after being parachuted into a Tory stronghold but it will be good to have her influence in the Commons.

I see two of my sworn enemies have once again been in the news. First of all, Donnie Fiddly, joint general secretary of dinosaur union Divide, has once again been making ridiculous comments about salaries in the brolly sector while fully justifying his own huge wedge by being a hypocritcal prick.

And former witchfinder general Sandy Burnham-Drownham joins the Megagrand brothers and Fred Bollocks in the Labour leadership race (plus Leanne Robot who has only entered to get away from Andrew Neil on This Week). After all of his preferred provider nonsense I hope he falls on his own brolly. I was going to make a joke about him not being the preferred provider of leadership services but my spoofer Stephen Bubb got there first. He has made quite a few comments in the last week that have been suspiciously close to my own views. I fear he may be losing some of his capacity for comedy nonsense. Though I suspect he'll be back on top form soon enough.

Oh, and I have made a decision on the winner of the competition to pick the official name of the chief executive of the Umbrella Commission. An announcement will be made tomorrow.