Last week was bloody hectic. I was all over the media like Mandelson with a book to flog. First of all I made what the press called a gaffe when I mistakenly claimed that I was Sir Hubert's junior partner in the war against precipitation.
Then I had a hissy fit in the Times about something being launched without my knowledge. As a result I was on the telly and radio to offer my views on the proposed new national citizen service, yet another new initiative where the government tries to force people to voluntarily carry umbrellas.
I am a fan of the concept of something that introduces kids to the world of brollies. But this gubbins, based around the idea of the "summer gamp" needs development. Why? Because it is shite. And I haven't been consulted.
Summer gamps are all very well but what happens when we have hail as we did the other day? In July? (click here and here for some dramatic shots. Oh and as bonus, I'll throw in an extremely candid (WARNING: MUST BE OVER 18 TO VIEW) pic of what is known in rain and drainage circles as "the money shot").
In such situations a lightweight populist umbrella is no use at all. We need brollies that are durable in all kinds of weathers.
I have been trying to get down with the kids for ages and there are already plenty of great schemes aimed at yoof brolly ownership. Far better to build on them then try and introduce shiny new spokes that will cost money, ironically, at a time when it is being withdrawn everywhere else.