My long time association with the larger than life, sorry lardier than life, communities minister and pie botherer in chief (honorary position formerly held by John Prescott) Derek Gherkins has paid dividends. Thankfully, after a word from me at last week's tupperware party, he has decided to "scrap" a tax that I was seriously worried about - the waste of space tax.
He has also ruled out charges for excessive household waste saying "I'll go around and scoff everyone's left overs myself". And when faced with questions about the UK's growing landfill problem he simply said "it's OK, I've booked a burial plot overseas".
Derek is quiet right of course. It is our absolute right as citizens to produce as much waste as possible and then whinge about our Council Tax going up to cover the cost of removing it. What good is a throwaway, disposable society if we can't throw shitloads of stuff away and dispose of bucketfuls more stuff as well. Indeed, why should people spend ages sorting rubbish out into different boxes and bins when they can simply just leave it in the street and hope someone else takes responsibility for clearing it up (at more expense to the taxpayer)?
And it is good to see the new government getting into the spirit of things by binning loads of suggestions, policies, commitments and legislation from the old regime. These are difficult times, which as millionaire David Cameron wisely said, will be tough for everyone but at least we are all in it together. I am sure the very poorest in society will be relieved to know that Cameron and his pals will also be shivering and hungry pretty soon as well.
Some woolly liberals might think that it would be a time to cut waste. But no, we will instead reduce wasting time on worrying about waste. And pull in our waistlines as well. Unless you are the communities minister, naturally.