3pm - In the hall at the Labour conference, texting thumb hovering over the characters in a sycophantic message to God Megagrand, should he squeeze home in the leadership election.
4pm - I am that giddy with nerves and excitement I cannot control my bladder.
4.45pm - Just get on with it!
5pm - It's God! As I predicted many years ago. He's a star. He was the very first brolly sector minister and brought a real pizza to the post. So we shall see how he does as the new Labour leader. I wish him well.
I didn't vote for him of course, I voted for James Purnell but all the same I know God will do a great job. Rumours are spreading that he hoped he wouldn't win at the last minute as he realised that he would have to deal with a load of embarrassing text messages from myself. Ashley Cole style.
I send him the first of many texts straight away. "Dear God, remember me? Is your arse clean? Congratulations, don't forget the brolly sector, and if you need any tips on leadership and clinging onto power when all seems hopeless, then give me a tinkle. Love Robin."