Wednesday, 29 September 2010

Going round in circles, trying to get included in as many free rounds as possible

It's been so hectic but action packed here at the Labour conference. I have "accidentally on purpose" bumped into God Megagrand 14,325 times, including at Church (His natural home!) I went to Mass on Sunday at Manchester Cathedral and he pitched up at end and said a few words. You know the sort of thing "I don't believe in me so I don't know why you lot do."

A leisurely Sunday lunch with the brolly sector's top headhunter, the ever worthy of inappropriate and gratuitous free publicity Donald Holding, to celebrate my glorious decade, and then back into the maelstrom of receptions and meetings. First up was the EU reception, a dull but worthy institution, and then onto the more exciting Couldn't Care Less reception which was brimming with BUBB members. I left when Sandy Burnham-Drownham arrived as he gave me a really filthy look and I hear he's a bit tasty with his fists, especially after some free pop!

And then the fun really began with an endless cycle of fizzfests. It was great fun to bump into Bogg Society guru Dom Blond who was not quaffing lambrini but a beer. Actually he empowered a load of citizens to drink beer on his behalf so they would have a collective hangover thus sparing him any pain. We had a good giggle about Bogg Society and the State - he suggesting I'm a "Stalinist".

But the highlight of Monday night was the joint reception for brolly sector delegates that BUBB held with the union Communion. It is a huge regret that some unions have such a regressive stance to the brolly sector (yes, you Donnie Fiddly at Divide). So it is good to show that BUBB can work with a progressive union and that we understand the need for professionalism - which means good pay and conditions and opportunities for staff to progress (but not into my job you understand and only if they have been to Oxford, naturally). I get sick of attacks on us suggesting we treat staff badly just because they leave their brollies on the train.

This was the very first brolly reception held at Labour apart from one that Hubert's mob NCVO held in 2003 but we'll gloss over that.

My deputy Hector Rule made an impressive speech. Looking very dapper, and every inch a brolly sector leader (the bastard - I am NOT budging). Even when the lights went off and he spoke to a darkened room. I think delegates might have thought he was about to break into a raunchy routine. But alas no, the lights returned and so no fun was had by all. The omnipresent Dom Blond was there and he and I then headed off to the Hot Tickets lapdancing club. There was no champagne. Well there was but it was £500 a throw. Some sort of a scam I suspect.

Late to bed. And a late start to late that I didn't get up until Wednesday and missed God's speech. Just as well. I hear that even though he mentioned "generation" 484 times, "change" 316 times and "fuck you big Brother" twice, there was not a single mention of the brolly sector. After all of my hard work in badgering him to a borderline illegal level, as well. The nerve.

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