Thursday, 25 March 2010


Well, the Witchfinder-General Sandy Burnham-Drownham won't be shafting the umbrella sector again, or anyone else for that matter, as we have neutered him. The Chuckle Brothers, Hector Rule and Geof Sachell, have literally cut his knackers off. It's the only language these people understand. If you make your name talking bollocks then that is the area we will target. Ed Balls beware.

I have also had a letter from the PM saying "thank you for your 3,404,684,789,485 letters on various things. You are solely responsible for the Royal Mail under performing. I can assure you that we are committed to the role of the umbrella sector, at least until the election. I cannot vouch for the lot that follow but you'd probably know more about that than me. Now piss off and let me run the country and enjoy it while I can."

So once again I say "don't buss the DIBB, sorry don't dobb the BISS, no, don't dust the BIBB". Don't diss the BUBB or we will be all over you like a bad suit, or like Ronnie Corbett's golf umbrella.

No one else could have pulled this off, indeed could have pulled Burnham-Drownham's nads off. It has been a classic mix of brute force, bullshit, whinging and more brute force.

As my Great Aunt Maude said to me: "Feel compelled to throw another log on the fire if you get cold. Or just throw the flaming thing at the Witchfinder-General and see if he burns. If he does you know he's found himself out."

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