It seems appropriate that while I am in Japan, home of technical boffins and gizmo gimps, I can announce a groundbreaking development in umbrella science or gampistry.
For years arguments have raged about when the first brolly was invented. Unverified fact checking website, Spokepedia, has its own theories but they are untrustworthy. Largely because I made them up. Therefore we have secretly been building a Gampron Collider. Inside this vast cavernous cellar underneath BUBB's offices, men in white coats will repeatedly hurl umbrellas at each other in a rainstorm to try and recreate the exact conditions when the brolly was discovered, and thus identify the elusive Boggs-Boggson particle. This is all very exciting.
And it isn't the only scientific experiment we are involved in. We are working on a project to clone umbrellas. In the woods near Blacbury one may observe "nesting brollies" such as pictured here. And as you can see one has successfully laid an egg. This could have significant implications for the manufacture of umbrellas.
Right, enough umbrellasics and brollogy. Back to seaweed and kimonos.