I have been taking the opportunity to have a few days rest and relaxation. Well, that was the theory. It is top secret so don't tell anyone (let alone blog about it) but I was chosen to help host a pilot scheme for Cameron's daft vanity project (to replace other volunteering vanity projects of the past) summer gamp idea to encourage young umbrella volunteers.
Held on the Isle of Wight, it went surprisingly well as you can see from the pictures of young kids wielding infant brollies, some of them for the first time. But children aren't half hard work. Even though the weather was suitably damp and there was plenty of umbrella action to keep the young tykes happy, they kept whinging about the rain.
And one young Herbert nearly got a slap, 3 yr old or not, for insolence. "That's a smart brolly, son" I said. "It's not a brolly, it's a brella," he replied. Did he not realise who he was talking to? If you are gong to correct the DADDY of brollies, at least use a proper word.
Which all goes to show how branding is so important in terms of what we call ourselves. For example, am I a buffoon or an arse?
We are having a staff meeting later. We employ so many staff that we can't fit them into our building any more. Luckily half of them are always off on holiday to some exotic place or other, though I do take exception when they come back sporting beards. And that's just the women.
And we have managed to take a hostage from our arch rivals NCVO. The researcher Jacqueline Baffin is currently being tortured by Hector Rule and Fab Jobsworth until she reveals secrets of what Hubert's mob, and Earl Scalding in particular, are up to.
Oh, and I see my spoofer Stephen Bubb has been taking the piss by posting a picture of his dog (Sparkles...I ask you. What sort of name is that for a dog?) with an umbrella. He's stepping a bit close to the mark. Before we know where we are he'll be making fatuous statements so dripping with "irony" that people will get us mixed up and start threatening to not renew their membership with BUBB.