Thursday, 8 October 2009

A great honour

Well, Team BUBB certainly know how to enjoy themselves! (When they're not being bored shitless at endless party political conferences, obviously). After a busy day listening to Tory after Tory making style over substance policy announcements, our 48 strong contingent took themselves off to the Brolly Pride evening and had a hoot.

It was held in a dingy canal-side cellar bar where one imbibes looking constantly over their shoulder lest their Blackberry gets snaffled. That master of headhunting and search Donald Holding gets another plug here FOR NO APPARENT REASON.

All work and no play makes Bogg a dull boy, not to mention his team so we got into the party mood (at no cost to our members...other than reputational).

I was fair bleary eyed when I headed back to London for a meeting of the honours committee, which decides which umbrellas should be recognised for outstanding service. The system has its critics with some people claiming it unfairly favours umbrellas owned by the rich or civil servants. But that isn't the case these days and at least 2 poor people have had their gamps rewarded in the last five years. The honours range from MBE (Member of the Brolly Elite) to Companion of the Order of the Shower. There is also a special Pantomime Dame of the Brolly Empire award given to entertainers who have camped it up with a brolly to great effect. Robbie Williams, Take That and the precocious squirt who pranced his way to Britain's Got Talent glory last year have all been recipients of this.

Basically we sit down and dish out gongs willy-nilly for several years and hope that that will entitle us to our own reward when the Queen has a birthday.

I have also been putting the finishing touches to plans for our big annual conference. I won't give too much away, otherwise you won't come. But I can say that it will be held on November 5th, which also happens to be my birthday so God knows what sort of state I will be in by the end of the day - there could well be fireworks.

I also hope that I avoid the sort of pranks that used to be played upon me at school when other kids would wheel me around as a sort of street fundraising device then throw me onto a bonfire.

Cabinet office minister Vanessa Doublechin will be making the keynote speech so that should be 30 minutes of your life you won't get back. See you there.


  1. Boggers, you old goat, how the devil are you?

    It's Fruity Metcalfe here - from the jolly old school days. Being a Tory PPC I had to schlep up to Manchester (what an absolute god-awful hole that is!) and I bumped into Bunty Cartwright and he said you were at the conf. I told Bunty he was talking bollocks as I always had you down as a bit of a pinko but according to him you could not give an arse about Labour any more - so well done you!

    Must say I am delighted that you remember some of those japes we had with you back in the old days. Dear me, we did used to give you a ragging. Still, you kept coming back for more didn't you you old dog? Especially when the Rugby 1st XV got involved, as I recall. And after all, patching you up every time kept Matron's suturing skills up to par.

    I must say this Brolly malarkey sounds like a wheeze - clever old you for keeping it going for so long. And don't worry old chap, once we are in it's the smellysocks in local government whose arses we are going to kick - I'm sure you and your charming young assistants will be just dandy.

    Anyway, back off to the constituency now to kiss a few more babies. Good god, I cannot wait to get elected - then I can forget about the bloody "voters" and start to trouser some serious cash.

    Love to Mrs B and all the little Boggers!

    Your old chum

    Fruity Metcalfe

  2. Another old contact comes out of the woodwork. That peerage must be close and they have all sensed it. My influence cannot be bought, however. Well, not for less than the going rate.

    Fruity, my old fruit, I have blanked out much of what happened for obvious psychological reasons but good to hear from you.


    PS Mrs B and the little Boggers? I fear you have got confused on that one...