The first day was an impressive roll call of Tory politicians and hangers-on telling us exactly what we want to hear. Rhetoric and empty promises are the order of the day here but seriously, when have politicians ever made pledges they don't keep when elected? It simply does not happen. Therefore we can enter the election period safe in the knowledge that such luminaries as Rick "All Systems Go" T'Hurd, Dom Blond and my Great Aunt Maud have committed to a greater role for the umbrella sector in service provision and an umbrella bank. And they'll let us run prisons. And, when capital punishment is reintroduced, we will have a key role implementing the Markov method - poisoning people with poison tipped brollies. That will stop them claiming incapacity benefits.
Hubert Carrington of NCVO has been lording it. He didn't take well to my comment about the inappropriateness of him hosting a "fringe" event. "All the great leaders have been bald, Robin," he snorted. "Oh yeah," I replied. "Which ones? Blair? Bhutto? Sugar? The Viscount Goderich?"
"Churchill. Just Churchill," he chuckled. "Oh and possibly Steve Gritt."
The only low point has been the croissants. If you really want to keep the oiks out and let's face it the Tories do, £4.50 is far too cheap a price to pay for a quality reheated flaky-Franco-pastry breakfast snack.
Oh, I have decided to introduce some low quality blurry shots of people speaking from all of these events I attend onto the blog so you can play "guess the speaker". And here's the first one. What do you reckon? I'll give you a clue. He went to Oxford, naturally. So that narrows it down at the Tory conference. To about a 1 in 2 chance.