Recent coverage of party proposals for the Lottery reveal that my respected colleagues don't know their arse from their elbows.
"Swings and roundabouts" was one of the comments.What the bloody hell has playground equipment got to do with it? It's some time since I did my Maths CSE (grade 4 or 5 - what does accuracy in figures matter?) but if the number of gamps that the Brolly Lottery Fund (under the auspices of my kedgeree krony, tie wearer and 80s music guru Lester Twomore) has to allocate is reduced from 50% to 40%, as the Tories propose, then that is less brollies all round, as BLF has a great record of handing out 80% of approximately 30% of their allocation on 28% of the top two thirds of the fifth decile of the umbrella sector.
And surely that is a reduction in brollies however you look at it.
Maths is proving not to be a Tory strong point. After Osborne's well publicised gaffe where he mistakenly said that 53 per cent of chavvy single mothers don't use an umbrella for protection (it was 5.3 per cent but what does a misplaced decimal point matter, especially if you are aiming to be Chancellor), some of the opinion polls by the right wing press and Tory commentators have been statistically suspect, to say the least. For instance a BlueGov poll after the second leaders' debate gave Cameron 1,000% and Clegg and Brown zero.
I have been undertaking some polls of my own and one of them even made the Observer's round up of Tweets of the week (click here). And the YouGlove poll gave oven a narrow lead over baseball and gardening, while the GorBlimeyGuv poll gave Chas's successor a clear lead over Dave with Mother Brown languishing in last place.
But as yet none of the major parties has revealed its hand on umbrella policy. When they do, we can really start taking notice of the polls.