There have been two highly controversial announcements made today. First of all we learn that due to some stupid European legal thing, prisoners will have the right to own brollies in jail. Opinion is divided about this - some say that by committing crimes these dodgy buggers gave up their basic right to shelter from the rain when marching out in the courtyard. Others say that it is only by affording prisoners the same rights as everyone else that we can hope to reconnect these miscreants with society and hopefully cut reoffending rates. A prisoner who stays dry in chokey may well have more chance of remaining so when they are released.
In any case, once the umbrella sector is running all of the prisons (see here for background) prisoners will not only have umbrellas, but will be sewing new ones together as well.
The other big hoo-hah is about a treaty Cameron has signed with the French to share umbrellas (or parapluies). Plenty of Brits are up in arms (ironically enough) about this supposed compromise in the UK's rain defence system and point to our chequered history of battling with the French. And one can only imagine how the poor French feel in being aligned with our dozy Coalition.
But let us be clear. British umbrellas are the best in the world and if this alliance puts the continued quality of UK rain protection at risk it must be left on the metaphorical tube train at the first opportunity.
After all of this who know what will happen next. No doubt the home secretary Eliza Maynotbetrusted will announce some crackpot scheme banning umbrellas from being sent by air freight as an anti-terrorist measure. Don't recall shoes or pants ever being banned on planes when they were used as a way of transporting bombs.