The BUBB AGM

A sinking feeling as I opened the curtains to see the snow thawing; will everyone now be able to come to the BUBB AGM and ask awkward questions? What idiot decided to have an open AGM I thought before remembering. It was probably the bankers and Sandy Burnham-Drownham as I blame them for everything else.




But in keeping with the theme of my speech, "Keep Calm and Carry On Screaming for Cash" I soon rally. The year was dominated by the recession and my continued attempts to talk everyone out of work so that my gloomy scenarios would be realised. While things haven't been as tough for the umbrella sector as I soothsayered, I say that we shouldn't give up as there's still time.

We ran 1,104 staggering events throughout the year (including some in the North - oooh get us with our patronising London-centric regional tokenism) where a huge amount of canapes were troughed and champers guzzled, meaning our well networked members were staggering home on average 3 times a week.

I paid tribute to BUBB's committed and talented staff team. We have but 400 staff and I don't know what half of them do but there is a huge pool of unemployed graduates (Oxford, naturally) that need occupying and I am happy to oblige.

One thing I don't talk about is governance and remuneration of trustees. Everyone is frankly tired of me going on about this now though I have instructed Fab Jobsworth to broach it in his latest blog. He does a tremendous job in attacking some misguided bleeding-heart voluntary principle nonsense by governance guru Hilary Hilton. Fab is so on message it hurts. He couldn't have parroted the Bogg line any more effectively if he had worn glasses, owned a dog and weekended in the Cotswolds.

I welcome on board 2 new BUBB trustees and hand them the customary brown envelope stuffed with cash. Just a little sweetener to ensure I keep my job for yet another year. That's progressive governance for you, Hilary!

There was a great sprinkling of grandees and politicians at the parliamentary reception afterwards, which given that they can no longer claim pret sarnies on expenses and the canapes were free is hardly surprising. One of the secretaries from the Treasury popped in to give her boss a message and stated during a brilliant 5 minute econium that what she was actually giving was an encomium and an Oxford graduate with a supposed knowledge of Latin should really know the correct word when trying to be a smart arse in his blog.

She also said that not a month goes by without government drawing on (doodling and scribbling) suggestions BUBB has sent them.

The new director of the Office of the Umbrella Sector, Yolanda Sanderson spoke and even mentioned my blog. So you would have thought the least I could do is spell her forename correctly. Sorry, Yolande.

The weather is playing havoc with my diary, especially after I dropped it into a snowy puddle and the ink ran. I have had to buy my own lunch three days in a row and have learned how not to use the microwave much to the irritation of the staff who have to douse the electrical fire I cause by trying to heat up food in metal containers.

And I see that NCVO are advertising for a new chair. Hubert must have had his furniture budget slashed so there is an opportunity for me to infiltrate NCVO and bring them down from the inside. I will echo the Trojan horse tactic and send them a chaise longue, in which I will hide. That way I can learn all of Hubert's dastardly plans.