Thursday, 21 January 2010

Kraftwork

Before I get stuck into moaning about one company being taken over by another company, should I use the tragic events in Haiti as a way of tenuously prefacing any points I want to make from my own agenda? No, thankfully, other than praise the work of UK umbrella organisations (all BUBB members naturally) providing brolly aid I'll wisely steer clear.

I get taken out to dinner by Donald Holding of Feudal, self-appointed headhunter to the umbrella sector who I haven't plugged for literally minutes, together with some old cove called Sir Henry or something who's carved out a nice niche in chairing stuff. We have much in common - an appreciation for free wine, Rihanna and using umbrellas as weapons. We dissect lots of people over dinner, much to the horror of the waiters who have to clear all of the blood up afterwards, and enjoy a fine Chablis Premier Irn Bru (Holding was not getting away with dandelion and burdock).

As we eat I bemoan the news that Kraft are taking over Cadburys. Even though it is merely a reflection of the realities of a capitalist society (Kraft? profit driven? whatever next?) and is the sort of thing that happens all of the time (Cadburys has itself taken over Frys and Green & Blacks in the past) this is deemed shocking presumably because it is viewed as a hostile US invasion of a much loved British brand with it's warm and fuzzy associations with childhood and crap chocolate. But the Yanks won't find any oil in Bournville.

Kraft will ignore Cadburys' proud quaker traditions and magnificent corporate social responsibility ethos. Cadbury give ALL of their profits, and then some more, to charity. They were paying a fair price to cocoa farmers and advocating fair trade before it was even invented and haven't just belatedly jumped onto the bandwagon for PR and business reasons. They haven't tried to pull any palm oil stunts in New Zealand. Ohh hang on...

Well I for one will be boycotting Kraft products (except dairylea obviously) even though I don't actually eat any of them in the hope that my hollow and meaningless gesture will somehow make a difference. Then I will boycott all products that are sold by profit making companies and starve to death.

On reflection the take-over does open up possibilities for some exciting new products. Chocolate cheese spread, creme cheese eggs or dairylea milk anyone?

And finally I have a right giggle at Luke Big's column in brolly sector rag Canopy Weekly. A most amusing story about my blog appears:

"Yolande Sanderson, new director general of the office of the brolly sector, said in a speech last week at the BUBB AGM that you knew you'd really arrived in the umbrella sector when you got mentioned in Robin Bogg's blog, an honour bestowed upon her last week.

Actually you know you've really arrived if you get your name mi-spelt in the blog of Bogg's spoofer, Stephen Bubb."

So it is official. I make or break reputations. I am the Daddy. Read my blog AND WEEP, Hubert. Incidentally, it is also a nice way of Luke to blag a mention in my blog as well, thus securing his own place in the sector's hall of fame.

2 comments:

  1. Sir Fruity Metcalfe21 January 2010 14:02

    My Dear Sir Robin

    Whilst perusing Canopy Weekly in the steam room at my club today, I came across this most frightful rot...

    http://www.thirdsector.co.uk/news/archive/977858/Editorial-Big-beasts-unite-not-fight/?DCMP=ILC-SEARCH


    Not fight? Of course you should fight! I for one would be more than willing to trouser up at least 10 shillings to watch such a contest. And indeed would wager a similar amount that the puny Hubert would be no match for the Boggster, ripped, buffed and toned as you are.

    That Wrestling Blue you picked up at St Bolocs will not go amiss, and surely we could guarantee a good crowd of grapple fans, if we could only find the right venue. Not sure that the Methodist Central Hall would be quite the right place, and anyway, they would only complain about having to clear up all the olive oil.

    So come on Boggers – LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE!!

    I remain your most obedient servant

    Fruity Metcalfe

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  2. I saw that rubbish in Canopy Weekly, though it failed to mention that the Twitter rumour about me chairing NCVO was started by me.

    Great idea about the wrestling. Dylan Twirley should get involved as well. I'll show him some proper prison fight moves. And if it gets sticky, Donald Holding, world gampido champ, can move in and sort my opponents out.

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