Ooooh, I am spitting feathers

Deeply irritating when my head of comms, the talented Ms McMoan points out an article in The Times written by Sandy Bunsen-Byrne (what is it with people called Sandy trying to annoy me?) of the improbably named Local National Fragmented Coalition for Co-ordinated Independent Apathy Action whoever the hell they are.

I am so angry that my pants explode and my spelling goes haywire. This numptie suggests that by taking money from the Office of the Brolly Sector, BUBB and other groups including NCVO and NAVCA are silenced into never criticising the government and are thus compromising the umbrella sector's cherished independence.

Er pardon? I can only assume that Bunsen-Byrne has had his head up his arse for the last year and has therefore missed me threatening Sandy Burnham-Drownham with a bunch of fives for his NHS preferred supplier nonsense. Perhaps he was nuzzling his colon when I offered to tear Alistair Darling a new one for ignoring a letter I sent him. He must have been polishing his sphincter when I gave umbrella minister Veronica Squif a hard stare when she refused to hand over some money we wanted.

And presumably there is no internet connection inside his bottom or else he would have seen many examples in my blog (which will be compulsory reading when we're running prisons and the justice system) of foot stamping, dummy spitting and toy throwing when the government doesn't do what I want.

And then he makes the extraordinary claim that 95 per cent of people who work in the umbrella sector agree with him. Amazing. What survey was that exactly? A random sample of people in the Frog and Fucwit at closing time? Because it certainly takes the piss. Only BUBB are allowed to make outlandish claims based on either poorly compiled research or by twisting statistics to meet our an agenda.

Sure I am all for cosying up to government as it is only by doing this that we get the cash in the first place. So there is no place for your shite peddling here. We will continue to both lick and slap arses as appropriate because the government doesn't scare us. If you want to criticise BUBB there are plenty of other more legitimate concerns. Such as what we then spend the government's money on.