I was just about to cook Sunday lunch earlier for my parents and younger sister (a traditional Lidl microwave job with lashings of packet gravy) when Channel 4 rang.
Having had several glasses of fizz I get completely the wrong end of the stick and think they are coming round to film me for Come Dine With Me. Obviously I accept. I have to do several takes by the time I have got stuck into several bottles of Blossom Hill 2010, and they have to film one particularly garbled anecdote 48 times. Plus Sparkles keeps trying to hump the cameraman's leg.
So imagine my shock just now when I find out that I was actually being filmed for Channel 4 news and the nation is treated to my refreshed and illogical views on the cuts. All very unedifying. Donald Holding has just texted me to say "gravitas and regal - in much the same way as Prince Harry in a nightclub at 3am"!
Still it could have been worse as even in my cups I spoke far more sense than Jim Bored of the fantastic "Bogg Issue", the charity which helps rehouse abandoned brollies by getting scruffy people to sell them to members of the public on the street. Bored was setting out his views on how the brolly sector should organise itself in light of the cuts.
His vision of the Bogg Society is "to scrub out duplication and promote pan sector work". In other words, expect people to share umbrellas. Interesting. But bollocks.
I'd be very happy to chat to Jim about this. While cooperation is fine it isn't as simple as that. Anyway, I can point to many fine examples of umbrella sharing and BUBB's own work in promoting this. But I would have to hope that Jim didn't then turn around and point to the fact that none of the main umbrella bodies seem capable of considering working together without falling out, let alone merger, or I would look a bit of a hypocrite. Which would be deliciously ironic if this was to happen while calling someone else one!
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