Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Can't think of a witty title so won't bother

Sorry for the radio silence. While in the Balkans with Pepe Ohdearie I got lost after too much local schnapps and dancing to Agadoo (a regular occurrence when out with Pepe) and ended up in Slovenia. One thing I will say abut the Slovenians is that they know the importance of a good strong umbrella, especially in the mountains where it can be pleasingly damp. And as a little competition (no prizes) can anyone spot the very jazzy brolly in this pic?

I did take the time to ask the Slovenian people what they thought of the NHS. Obviously, I didn't bother listening properly to the responses in case they didn't fit in with my own conclusions but I do recall someone saying perhaps I should talk to patients and not just accept the results of some 2009 research as the basis for extensive consultation with the people who actually matter. But I just ignored that as well. Dave would be proud.

When I got back to the UK I was in trouble from matron who thought I had only nipped off for a coffee break. So I have had to do a mammoth 546 hour shift, while trying to tidy up my report for Dave. It is very nearly finished and even though it is not for me to say that it is brilliant, it is brilliant. Especially the last paragraph. I cannot reveal what I say yet but if I was going to reveal it, it would look exactly like this:

"Competition is fucking ace because Dave says so and what really matters is £££££££££££££££££££££££££$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$£££££££££££££££££££££££££££££$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$£££££££££££££££££££££££££££££$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ PS Where's my peerage?"

Some of my crayon drawings of hospital beds are sublime. And anyone who says the whole exercise is sham to give the impression of independent consultation on the future of the NHS will no doubt be eating humble pie, especially since Dave has already said he accepts all of our recommendations even though he hasn't even seen them. Other than when he originally wrote/approved them of course.

So I will be back at BUBB shortly, just as well as Hector Rule has been giving it the big I am and mouthing off at conferences and generally causing trouble.

In other news I am delighted to report that in a true victory for Bogg Society, The Robin Bogg Memorial Toilet outside Blacbury library has been saved. They have found a few volunteers to wipe the arses of the rich and are saving money on paper by utilising all of the books in the library that are just taking up space.

However, I am sad to say that my chief executive at the Brolly Investment Business Donovan Lewis has escaped from the locked room I was keeping him in. He was a true inspiration and managed to implement much of the empire building into the business of lending umbrellas that I was keen on. He will be hard to replace so I may apply for the role myself. If nothing else the extra cash will help to supplement my meagre pay as chair. That's what I call progressive governance. I expect the trustees at BUBB will be only to pleased to continue paying me to spend less time doing my proper job as ultimately it makes BUBB more effective.

The only other big unresolved issue is what I should say in my acceptance speech if, sorry, when I win the outstanding leadership award at the Canopy Awards tomorrow night.

And should I wear the white dinner jacket with the collection of red wine stains or the one with the embarrassing chocolate souffle mark on the tail. If I don't win this year it will be a travesty. Anyone who can still continue to get away with what I have for so long is truly an outstanding leader and inspiration to all. See you at the Gampsvenor Hotel, folks. If you're going do feel free to say hello using the code word "drizzleproof".

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