Monday, 21 September 2009

Clinton hot air initiative

I am in NYC at the minute for the Clinton Foundation's annual shite-spouting shindig. Since Clinton set up his Foundation five years ago as a vanity project to keep the Clinton brand high profile in his attempt to establish the family as a sort of latter-day Kennedy dynasty (without the deaths and that), this waffle-fest has paid lip service to addressing global problems that his eight year administration as President didn't give a shit about and in many cases created or exacerbated.

It is a mark of how respected BUBB is in umbrella circles that I am invited (what were you up to this weekend Hubert?), indeed I am the only umbrella leader here from Europe so God knows who I will chat to. The UK delegation includes Tony and Cherie and I hope I don't catch TB while I am here.

This flannel forum lasts about 14 years and I have been assigned a minder to ensure I don't get into any mischief. Her name, Dr Terry Babcock-Lumish, is beyond parody but if it weren't it would be Gerry Spatchcock-Burnish or something.

Yesterday morning I hauled my hungover ass to church but the service was fair ruined by some ruddy Australian singing rude words along with the hymns. I get chatting with him afterwards, well, strictly speaking I backed him into a corner, and shouted at him about Umbrellabuilders. This is toppermost in my mind following our extraordinarily successful relaunch last week. 8 million people packed into Wembley Stadium to hear me give the same old speech about investing in gamps, unclaimed brollies and setting up an umbrella bank. We also officially announced our new name - BIB - the Brolly Investment Business (as in Heston Mayday, mind your own). We were scuppered in our original plans to name ourselves Umbrella Bank because apparently only banks can be called banks, (though this rule doesn't seem to apply to world cup winning goalkeepers when you write to them asking for the loan of a few bob and they refuse on the grounds that "I am not a bloody bank" despite being regarded as a sound custodian and good at saving things).

We may not be called Umbrella Bank but make no mistake, whatever our label, our clear aim is become one. Our only decision now is whether we become a wholemeal bank or not. Personally, as we'll be giving out bread to promote goodness, I like the term.

But I digress. I can assure you - the blogs this week from this blather gathering will be vital reading and an orgy of name dropping and attempts by me to shoot the breeze about brollies with important people who couldn't care less, interspersed with musings on what we are given to chow on.

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