Justice for Rihanna

You may be aware that the peerless female warbler, Rihanna, is in a bit of bother for scribbling on people's arms without a license. A fan of tattoos herself, it seems that the sassy tunesmith has been doodling umbrella pics on the limbs of others without authorisation and the elf''n'safety goons have kicked up a fuss.

Madness of course. Why does everything require qualifications and appropriate permission these days? Where will it all end? They'll expect doctors to have proper medical training next. It's just another example of namby pamby nanny state nonsense. When we were kids we didn't care about risk and health and safety. We would happily dash each other's brains out with rocks in fields full of poisonous frogs all day long, and eat dirt butties for lunch washed down with bleach. Never did us any harm, and there is no evidence that people then had shorter lifespans apart from some sketchy stats around the average age being a lot lower.

As you can see from the pic here Rihanna is actually pretty good at tattooing. However, it isn't that difficult as I discovered over the weekend (click here).

I am but a humble slave eternally kissing the feet of Rihanna for her classic hit "Umbrella". Never has a singer been so defined by the name of her most famous song - everywhere you look she is referred to as the Umbrella Singer. This miffed me at first, as that was my handle during my 2001 karaoke pomp - but I have learned to accept it.

I say, justice for Rihanna. If superstar divas can't go round flouting the law in a way that normal people couldn't, where would celebrity show-off culture be? Nowhere. Let Rihanna tattoo all she wants. And while we're at it, if 50 Cent wants to run a backstreet abortion clinic, so be it. Let Neil Diamond perform minor hip surgery if he wishes. Let Geri Halliwell run a pub in her back garden selling illicit hooch if the public demand it. But don't let Piers Morgan anywhere near anything. That would be taking things too far.