Thursday, 3 December 2009

Going round in circles

Some of you may have noticed that the brilliant Fab Jobsworth has joined the blogosphere with the wittily titled Seb Blogsworth (did you see what he did there?). I haven't read it properly but at first glance his posts seem very amateur. They are well written, beautifully punctuated, impecably (yes, I know) spelt and generally coherent. The namedropping is well below the European directive's minimum and there is not nearly enough rambling. It simply isn't good enough and I shall advise him to try writing later at night after a couple of glasses of the old red stuff.

I was intrigued to see some of the suggestions in yesterday's effort. Basically Fab is advocating that we rename parts of the tube network, add new colours to the underground map and scrap the Circle Line. I think we should go even further and let BUBB take over the whole thing. Why stop at prisons? When you consider how many umbrellas are left on the tube network every day it makes perfect sense.

I would start from scratch and prioritise a high speed link from East Lambeth to Blacbury (at the very edge of Zone 27). The line could be called the Electric Boggoloo Line and the train the Boggwarts Express. It would need a new colour on the tube map (Oxford Blue, naturally).

And this leads me smoothly onto my latest plan, which involves BUBB taking over the running of Britain's enchanting canal network. We would keep it obsessively organised and tidy, sort of canally retentive. Also our friends at NCVO have their offices next to the Regent's Canal and it would be strategically very useful if I had unlimited access to the waterway at that point so I could go past in a boat all day long shouting things at Hubert.

You can tell when a sector is on the rise when there are queues of graduates (not all Oxford, unfortunately) desperate for a job, any job, even in brollyland. But it is also nice that the public sector is keen to offloads large chunks of expensive infrastructure responsibility onto those who will consider getting involved anything whether it be core to their interests or not.

As Mark Twain once wrote: "Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more."

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