I had a BUBB board meeting yesterday but arrived several hours late. I was on my way when I spotted Dangerous Divv, big brother of former charities honcho and now minister for hot air and wasted energy God Megagrand, walking down the street. I shouted after him, as I want to know why God hasn't returned my texts for awhile. But he didn't hear me so I followed him in a taxi, onto a tube, onto the Gatwick Express and onto a plane bound for America. He was in mind your own business class and I was not (don't want Tonya Newshound at Canopy Finance doing her job at this point plus I would like to point out that as I had jumped all the barriers at the stations in my pursuit of Divv AND hid in the toilet on the train to avoid a fare I saved a fortune in needless expenses - at least until the fines come through).
I managed to mug an air hostess in the toilets for her uniform and snuck into the posh seats with some of those packets of snacks that look 40 times bigger in the brochure and a can of Britvic for Divv.
I sidled up to him and he said fondly: "You get around. I thought I'd shaken you off. Now piss off and leave me to read the Beano in peace." I was escorted back into cattle class and ejected from the plane at Birmingham. Which was particularly painful as we didn't stop there.
I got back to London for part of the board meeting and was able to join in the agenda points I was most interested in, namely chief executive remuneration, our expenses policy and our new conflicts of interest policy (drawn up by my good friend Donald Holding of Feudal headhunters). We also had our boredom appraisal but that fell flat as most of the trustees were asleep by the time we got to it.