Oooooh, I am HOPPING MAD. I have got my knickers so far in a twist that I frighten dogs when I speak. I have got myself into so much of a lather that Fab Jobsworth is using me as shaving foam. I am so heated that you could fry an egg on my forehead. (I only said "could", incidentally Hector. I didn't expect you to take me literally and leave me with egg all over my face.)
Why am I so incandescent with rage? Donnie Fiddly, head of the Divide union, has made some comments about excessive salaries in the umbrella industry, while he sits there on his fat pension-plan protected arse earning millions of pounds a year plus perks and bonuses.
I am not saying he doesn't deserve it - his is a challenging role for a complex organisation and anyone who can climb the greasy pole and stay at the top for years in a job they are clearly unfit for gets my full admiration. But leave the brolly sector out of it, eh Donnie?