Monday, 30 November 2009

Deck the halls with gamps and brollies

I am now back in the UK, with the all important task of preparing for Christmas. As well as BUBB’s legendary office party to organise, there will be a sleigh-load of receptions and drink-ups to fit in. I have been banned from organising the office Secret Santa after last year’s scandal when I rigged it to ensure that everyone bought me a pressie. The trustees got wind of it and I was severely reprimanded. But still avoided the (Santa’s) sack. So this year Fab Jobsworth has done it and I have drawn Hector Rule. Any suggestions as to what I can get him would be very welcome as to me it seems he already has everything he wants. Except my job.

I will also be attending a number of high-church Christian ceremonies and services celebrating this most pagan of festivals. This is not because I am particularly religious – as far as I am concerned there’s too much religion in Christmas, we need to put the commercialism back into it. But it does give me a chance to comment on the architecture of various churches and chapels and wheel out some Biblical quotes.

And there is the BUBB nativity play to organise. This is always tricky to cast though Geof Sachell will be sweet Baby Jesus and Marina McMoan will be Mary. We always struggle to find any wise men but Ben N’Jerry will play a King who comes from the North bearing gifts of Gold-plated brollies, Gampinsence and Umyrhhbrellas. I will play the shepherd and the rest of the team will be sheep blindly following me about. Joseph (played by me) and Mary will travel to Oxford, naturally, and try and gain shelter for the night. After being turned away by all of the local prisons, which are full, they head to a pub in Blacbury where the innkeeper (played by me) invites them in and they all get trollied on fizz.

Hopefully, I will be able to get some partying in by wearing one of my many other (festively adorned) hats as well. I know that the organisation formerly known as Umbrellabuilders has some unspent money that will only go to waste come the end of March so I reckon we can have a proper knees-up with some of that.

And I am planning to release a Christmas single. Without giving too much away it will be a festive reworking of one of Rihanna’s classic choons.

I updated my Xmas card list over the weekend (Dylan Twirley removed and I need to find out James Purnell’s new address. Again). And I have taken a strategic decision that Hubert Carrington at NCVO will get one this year but I won’t send it until the last minute. I didn’t send him one last year whereas he did send me one. I figure he won’t bother this year and will then be embarrassed when he gets mine without time to hastily dash one off in response.

And tomorrow sees the launch of the Boggmas Gampvent calendar. This will be hosted on my blog and also on my Twitter feed. Join the party!

As well as mince-pie munching and mulled wine guzzling we will have to observe the correct protocol around the pre-Budget report next week. This involves firing off our usual wishlist of things that we know won’t happen and then having a hissy fit afterwards when they don’t happen.

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