I am still shaking like a jelly in an earthquake at the sheer cheek of Donnie Fiddly at Divide about the supposed excessive wage culture in the umbrella sector. I have asked my deputy Hector Rule to write him a letter (his handwriting is better than mine but that in no way makes me unfit in itself to run anything). Hector made some splendid points and finished off by offering Donnie out for a fight.
Donnie may have only been referring to the few cases of ludicrous pay in our sector but he has to remember that highlighting the one or two examples that are out of line tars everyone else with the same brush. Or to put it another way, it only takes one loose cannon to bollocks it up for the entire sector.
To try and calm down last night I watched Harry Potter. What a pile of sub-Blyton shite that was. There were points whether I wondered if it was really meant for children.
And fabulous news this morning as Maggie Pott, chief executive of Tomorrow's Brollies, which seeks to find ungainful employment for redundant umbrellas, has been made a pier by David Cameron. She has to stand in the sea at Southend while balancing fish and chip shops, roller coasters and amusement arcades on her back.
I ring to congratulate her. She is momentarily phased, which is a bit of a blow as I only meant to faze her.