I am off shopping later today, (Oxford Street, naturally). As well as looking for some new strides (Oxford bags, naturally) I thought I might treat myself to a new umbrella. However, this presents somewhat of a dilemma as I have to be very careful to avoid conflicts of interest and be seen to favour buying one brolly over another. The way I usually get round this problem is simply to get people to send me bumbershoots for free. So if anyone feels generous let me know and I will provide details of my drop off point for such things.
All of which reminds me of a story I read last week involving that lovable sexist, boorish, drunken, racist Tory MP Alan Clark. The recent death of Gabon’s President Bongo has led Tory Peter Bottomley to reveal how he had to take fellow Trade Minister Clark’s place on a trip to Gabon after Clark said immigrants should be "sent to bongo bongo land".
Bottomley returned with an umbrella with ‘President Bongo’ emblazoned on it for Clark. Later, when a heckler branded Clark a "bongo racist", he unfurled the brolly, saying: "How dare you. This was a personal gift from President Bongo."
Once again, all too sadly an example of how innocent brollies get exploited and dragged into bigger debates.
Thursday, 18 June 2009
Monday, 15 June 2009
Bumbershoots of recovery
I have been pondering for a while how to gain greater acceptance for one of my favourite slang terms for an umbrella - the bumbershoot. If you look in a dictionary (Oxford English, naturally) you will find that it is a colloquial term of American origin derived from combining umbrella and parachute. Click here for more etymology and info on its usage in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang if you really have nothing better to do.
Therefore BUBB has decided to launch a new initiative to raise the profile of this criminally unknown word. My initial idea to change the name of BUBB to the British Bumbershoot Backing Body has been vetoed by the trustees for what I can only assume are spurious acronymistic reasons. ("Makes us sound like a stutterer trying to swear", I overheard one of them remark). Therefore we are launching the Campaign to Raise Usage and Mentions of Bumbershoots Lovingly In Everyday Speech (CRUMBLIES) and will not rest until bumbershoot naturally trips off the collective tongue of the nation.
You don't have to do much, just try and drop it into everyday conversation.
"My, that's a nice bumbershoot you have."
"Oh, your bumbershoot is dripping wet, is it pissing down outside by any chance?"
"Oh bugger, its drizzling like buggery and I have left my sodding bumbershoot at home."
So go on, do your bit and let's make a real difference to the richness of our language.
Therefore BUBB has decided to launch a new initiative to raise the profile of this criminally unknown word. My initial idea to change the name of BUBB to the British Bumbershoot Backing Body has been vetoed by the trustees for what I can only assume are spurious acronymistic reasons. ("Makes us sound like a stutterer trying to swear", I overheard one of them remark). Therefore we are launching the Campaign to Raise Usage and Mentions of Bumbershoots Lovingly In Everyday Speech (CRUMBLIES) and will not rest until bumbershoot naturally trips off the collective tongue of the nation.
You don't have to do much, just try and drop it into everyday conversation.
"My, that's a nice bumbershoot you have."
"Oh, your bumbershoot is dripping wet, is it pissing down outside by any chance?"
"Oh bugger, its drizzling like buggery and I have left my sodding bumbershoot at home."
So go on, do your bit and let's make a real difference to the richness of our language.
Sunday, 14 June 2009
Straplines - what are they good for?
As I mentioned in a blog a couple of weeks ago, I have been doing some mindBoggling recently around BUBB's brand, values, mission statement etc. It seems one of our trustees got a book for their birthday about all this claptrap and is keen to waste everybody's time coming up with a new logo, image and strapline to explain more clearly what we do as an organisation.
The way I see it is that people already know exactly what BUBB does. BUBB makes no secret about it. People don't always know why BUBB does it but that is a different issue.
Anyway, the board have allocated a hefty wedge of budget for this exercise so rather than bother an expert I am going to ask my old oppo Donald Holding, at Feudal, to help out. Granted he knows nothing about branding but then his naive, ignorant approach may well be what is required.
I personally hate straplines and was shocked to discover they have their own trade body - the Strapline Association ("promoting pointless secondary lines of explanation after the principal statement since 1947").
But I have come up with a few that might work for BUBB. Hector wants to go with something dull but worthy such as "provider of shelter for shelter providers" but I think we should have something a bit more street.
"Putting the bro' into brollies."
Or how about:
"Putting the ergs into umbergamp."
"Putting the OK into spokes."
Or
"Putting the mmmmmm into ummmmmmbrellas."
If anyone has any other ideas that Donald can present to the trustees and pass off as his own to justify his bill then use the comments facility below or email me at robinbogg@hotmail.com.
The way I see it is that people already know exactly what BUBB does. BUBB makes no secret about it. People don't always know why BUBB does it but that is a different issue.
Anyway, the board have allocated a hefty wedge of budget for this exercise so rather than bother an expert I am going to ask my old oppo Donald Holding, at Feudal, to help out. Granted he knows nothing about branding but then his naive, ignorant approach may well be what is required.
I personally hate straplines and was shocked to discover they have their own trade body - the Strapline Association ("promoting pointless secondary lines of explanation after the principal statement since 1947").
But I have come up with a few that might work for BUBB. Hector wants to go with something dull but worthy such as "provider of shelter for shelter providers" but I think we should have something a bit more street.
"Putting the bro' into brollies."
Or how about:
"Putting the ergs into umbergamp."
"Putting the OK into spokes."
Or
"Putting the mmmmmm into ummmmmmbrellas."
If anyone has any other ideas that Donald can present to the trustees and pass off as his own to justify his bill then use the comments facility below or email me at robinbogg@hotmail.com.
Friday, 12 June 2009
Outstanding achievement award passes me by...again
Maxwell Trophy? Maxwell Trophy? I mean, OK, yes, Canopies Aid Foundation etc etc, very impressive, I'll give him that. But does he blog?
And can someone let me know if he's finished his acceptance speech yet?
And can someone let me know if he's finished his acceptance speech yet?
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
Award ceremonies
This Thursday sees the most glittering evening in the umbrella sector calendar - the annual Canopy Awards, held appropriately enough under a great big canopy in Battersea Park. Granted, it's a bloody great piss up and the food is always good. Plus the opportunities for networking and namedropping are superb. But I really don't know if I can be arsed.
If I have to sit there one more year while some supposed sector notable scoops the outstanding achievement award that I should be getting then I will scream. The gritting my teeth received after Hubert Carrington of NCVO won it a few years ago set me back thousands in dental work. Sure, people like last year's winner Patrick Pond at the Umbrella Commission are worthy of recognition but come on guys, surely my turn is overdue.
If I do go it gives me chance to once again don the old white tux, which is home to one of the finest collections of red wine stains in the world. Look closely and you can see such vintage spillages as a '74 Rioja from an Oxford reunion dinner, a very rare '63 Chateauneuf du Tim Pape from one of my European jaunts and a '09 Echo Falls Cabernet Merlot from a wedding I crashed in Blacbury earlier this year. Oh and some ribena as well.
Ultimately I think my decision about attending will hinge on whether the new umbrella minister Veronica Gubbins Squif (or VGS as I will now style her) is going and whether I can blag a seat next to her. Being new to the sector I am sure she would much appreciate having her ear bent to the point of fracture about the need for an umbrella bank and VAT refunds.
If I have to sit there one more year while some supposed sector notable scoops the outstanding achievement award that I should be getting then I will scream. The gritting my teeth received after Hubert Carrington of NCVO won it a few years ago set me back thousands in dental work. Sure, people like last year's winner Patrick Pond at the Umbrella Commission are worthy of recognition but come on guys, surely my turn is overdue.
If I do go it gives me chance to once again don the old white tux, which is home to one of the finest collections of red wine stains in the world. Look closely and you can see such vintage spillages as a '74 Rioja from an Oxford reunion dinner, a very rare '63 Chateauneuf du Tim Pape from one of my European jaunts and a '09 Echo Falls Cabernet Merlot from a wedding I crashed in Blacbury earlier this year. Oh and some ribena as well.
Ultimately I think my decision about attending will hinge on whether the new umbrella minister Veronica Gubbins Squif (or VGS as I will now style her) is going and whether I can blag a seat next to her. Being new to the sector I am sure she would much appreciate having her ear bent to the point of fracture about the need for an umbrella bank and VAT refunds.
Monday, 8 June 2009
Welcome to the new umbrella minister
From: robinbogg@bubb.org.uk
To: fabjobsworth@bubb.org.uk
Subject: Blog on new minister
Fab - can you do me a favour? I need to stick a blog up welcoming the new umbrella minister. To save time could you just do something that cut and pastes our old press releases welcoming whoever government has reluctantly palmed us off with? Just replace Gavin Lennon with Veronica Gubbins Squif on the bit that says we look forward to working with such a committed champion of brollies etc etc blah blah blah and stick Lennon's name in where Hal Pope's was on the bit about thanking the outgoing chap for their hard work over the 5 minutes they have been stuck with the brief.
If you "track change" the document you will probably see the names of God Megagrand, Dave Miggins, Victoria MacColumbo, Veronica Osprey et al contained within its history.
I don't know much about Gubbins Squif - the fact she only went to a polytechnic isn't promising, naturally, and that she was once Gordon Brown's tie adviser is worth bugger all as he heads ever closer to the political scrapheap. She did once work at the League Against Cruel Sports Involving Umbrellas but that is her only tenuous connection with sector. Still I expect we'll have to pretend to work with her and see what happens.
I am more encouraged by the move last week of Vanessa Doublechin to become minister of the cabinet office as I used to know her years ago when we both attended a nightschool class in dealing with the Italian media. She replaces Ian Scorn, who has moved to the Treasury, and as an advocate of the umbrella bank could also prove to be a great ally.
Anyway, Fab, if you could turn the above into some sort of blog that would be great. We can't keep labouring this dictation joke so let's make sure this one is a good 'un, eh?
Regs
The Gaffer
To: fabjobsworth@bubb.org.uk
Subject: Blog on new minister
Fab - can you do me a favour? I need to stick a blog up welcoming the new umbrella minister. To save time could you just do something that cut and pastes our old press releases welcoming whoever government has reluctantly palmed us off with? Just replace Gavin Lennon with Veronica Gubbins Squif on the bit that says we look forward to working with such a committed champion of brollies etc etc blah blah blah and stick Lennon's name in where Hal Pope's was on the bit about thanking the outgoing chap for their hard work over the 5 minutes they have been stuck with the brief.
If you "track change" the document you will probably see the names of God Megagrand, Dave Miggins, Victoria MacColumbo, Veronica Osprey et al contained within its history.
I don't know much about Gubbins Squif - the fact she only went to a polytechnic isn't promising, naturally, and that she was once Gordon Brown's tie adviser is worth bugger all as he heads ever closer to the political scrapheap. She did once work at the League Against Cruel Sports Involving Umbrellas but that is her only tenuous connection with sector. Still I expect we'll have to pretend to work with her and see what happens.
I am more encouraged by the move last week of Vanessa Doublechin to become minister of the cabinet office as I used to know her years ago when we both attended a nightschool class in dealing with the Italian media. She replaces Ian Scorn, who has moved to the Treasury, and as an advocate of the umbrella bank could also prove to be a great ally.
Anyway, Fab, if you could turn the above into some sort of blog that would be great. We can't keep labouring this dictation joke so let's make sure this one is a good 'un, eh?
Regs
The Gaffer
Global umbrella news
Every day, from all around the world, I hear tales of umbrellas. Some are inspiring, some tragic, some are downright perplexing. But what they illustrate is how ingrained in our everyday lives the 'umble umbrella is.
As you would expect, America is a hotbed of the quirky. Who could fail to warm to the charms of this small town in California with its reports of some quite frankly top notch petty crime or mischief. And one more heinous offence perpetrated against a patio umbrella.
However, the scoundrel may regret it if it turns out to be the same model as this one - an example of when good umbrellas go bad. And click here for a very sad tale of what can happen if umbrellas don't "conduct" themselves properly.
While I am confident that s such delinquency would never happen with a British umbrella, these examples demonstrate the need for umbrellas to have strong representation and regulation to keep them on the straight and narrow.
Finally, I was most touched by the thoughts of this blogger. I am going to try and recruit her, as long as she went to Oxford, naturally.
As you would expect, America is a hotbed of the quirky. Who could fail to warm to the charms of this small town in California with its reports of some quite frankly top notch petty crime or mischief. And one more heinous offence perpetrated against a patio umbrella.
However, the scoundrel may regret it if it turns out to be the same model as this one - an example of when good umbrellas go bad. And click here for a very sad tale of what can happen if umbrellas don't "conduct" themselves properly.
While I am confident that s such delinquency would never happen with a British umbrella, these examples demonstrate the need for umbrellas to have strong representation and regulation to keep them on the straight and narrow.
Finally, I was most touched by the thoughts of this blogger. I am going to try and recruit her, as long as she went to Oxford, naturally.
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