Job creation

It's been all systems go with the job creation scheme the government is implementing as a result of my persistent badgering of James Purnell. We have had a total of 48 launch events including a lunch launch, a launch lunch, a pre-launch lunch, a pre-lunch-pre-launch-brunch, a soft launch lunch, a hard lunch launch, a credit crunch lunch, and (on a hunch) a paunchy munch bunch launch lunch (with punch). Oh and a few breakfasts.

The result of all this trumpet blowing and buffet bothering as been the creation of many jobs with thousands of pounds of public money being paid to administrators, event organisers and caterers. Result. I should add that as befits anything to do with umbrellas, while some of the speeches have been lousy, the canopies have generally been excellent.

There has been a lot of assertion about the value of the scheme without much evidence to back it up and we have to be careful with this. Without a shred of evidence I assert very strongly that we need even more assertion and and less evidence if this thing is to fly. But overall it's been a great start and with a few more launches yet to come, we'll be keeping the events industry in employment for a while yet.

Of course this whole thing wouldn't be possible without James.

James James James Purnell
I love you so much that it makes me unwell
If you'll be my Basil, I'll be your Manuel
And let you harass me in a Torquay hotel

James James you're a true rising star
A dynamic performer who I'm sure will go far
I'm sorry I infringed your personal border
So please will you lift that restraining order

James James won't you come to your senses
For I can assist with your tax dodge expenses*
Which were so much more devious than those of Hal Pope**
A sign of your talent that should give us all hope

If you lose your umbrella I'll buy you another
If you need your flat cleaning I'll lend you my brother
James my affection is moderately sinister
I wish, oh I wish, you were umbrella minister

James James we can share many capers
I'll constantly shower you with policy papers
I give you permission to stroke my sweet dog
And I'll drop your sweet name all over my blog

*allegedly
**former umbrella minister