I decide rather impulsively after a few bottles of Bud while out in New York to head back to Washington and fly home from there. Doubtless because of a communication error Barack's people have still not been in touch about meeting up so if the mountain won't beckon Mohamed, Mohamed had better head towards its base and climb it himself.
As a frankly hollow meaningless nod towards green credentials I return by train rather than flying. Every little helps and if I hadn't flown to the States on a largely pointless exercise in the first place it would have helped a great deal more.
There is a bit of an embarrassing situation when I check out of my hotel. I honestly thought the film I was selecting in my hotel room was Gene Kelly's finest hour and was most shocked to discover instead some sleazy suburban soft porn flick set in Manchester. Has anyone seen Swinging in the Rain? I dread to think what the option that at first glance looked like Mary Poppins, Supernanny, was really called.
I try and explain this all to the woman at reception the next day but she doesn't believe me and insists I pay even though I only watched an hour of it. Still, no problem, I will just stick it on expenses and no one will ever find out.
Anyway, I am now back in Washington and discover that Barack has headed to London, of all places, for a major summit of world leaders. First I knew about it. And to make matters worse, the government have decided they want someone to address Barack and the rest about the umbrella sector in the UK. I would think this was an April Fool's joke if it wasn't for the fact that I know how important umbrellas are to the powers that be. The fact that I am out of the country can be the only reason I am not asked and Dame Luci Vinyl, chair of the Umbrella Commission, gets the nod. There is some guff about her being chosen because she has a human face (doesn't everybody?), which sounds like a patronising way of saying she'll add a bit of feminine style and glamour to proceedings. I expect she will do a great job but I curse my luck at missing another great opportunity to get down with Barack.