Still in Malmo and the conference draws to a close today. Frankly it has been a bit boring - a lot of guff about parapluies and regenscherms, paraguas and ομπρέλαs. I am all for learning from others but I realise that there is nothing the Europeans can teach us Brits about brollies with their fancy designs and impractical technology. I am also a bit peeved that I wasn't asked to speak. And if I see one more kottsboller I will scream.
One worrying development came out of a session given by European Umbrella Commissioner, Gampmeister Ella Umber. Over the years the UK has had to fight some bizarre directives from the bumbling brollycrats in Brussels. BUBB led the charge to successfully counter the proposed size restriction on the little plastic bit that fits over the spoke, for example. But the latest piece of Eurobabble nonsense really takes the bourbon. They want to standardise umbrella handles and make them all straight, thus signalling the death knell for millions of brollies with curved handles. This is a idea is plain bananas and BUBB will fight it all the way.
My plane leaves in a couple of hours and then it is off to Blacbury for the weekend, after picking up Barkles. I hope he is OK - I couldn't find anyone to look after him so he has been chained to a lamp post in Brockwell Park for the last couple of days, with a big juicy bone.
Friday, 13 March 2009
Wednesday, 11 March 2009
Seeking European glory
Stuck in Sweden for a couple of days at a gathering of the great and the good from the European umbrella scene. It is an event organised by EuCLUTS (the European Committee of Leadership in Umbrella Technology and Sophistication) which is a body BUBB set up a few years back. Detractors say that this was merely an excuse for me to blag some fancy trips around Europe at the expense of members but I ask you, in all seriousness, if that really was the case, would I really be holed up now in such a shithole as Malmo?
BUBB may be British in its focus but that doesn't mean there aren't things that can be learned from our European cousins. The highlight today is a talk by Swedish umbrella guru, Magnus Brollestom and there will be some top notch networking once the wortleberry wine kicks in later. As they say in Sweden, "upp paraplyet".
BUBB may be British in its focus but that doesn't mean there aren't things that can be learned from our European cousins. The highlight today is a talk by Swedish umbrella guru, Magnus Brollestom and there will be some top notch networking once the wortleberry wine kicks in later. As they say in Sweden, "upp paraplyet".
Tuesday, 10 March 2009
Yeeeeeeeeeeees!!!!!!!!
Great news. Umbrellabuilders, the government backed umbrella investment fund that I chair, has just scooped another great pool of cash from the Department of Health. God knows what it's for and what we will do with £100m, we can barely spend what we already have, but who cares? This is great credit to UBE's chief executive Donovan Morris and his team who put in a tremendous amount of work concocting some story about a pressing need for social investment in enterprises doing work highlighting the health benefits of umbrellas.You know the type of thing - umbrella equals dry head equals less chance of a cold equals healthier workforce equals greater productivity.
This will no doubt prompt the usual whinges from those such as Heston Mayday at Canopy Bank about skewing the playing field of social investment in the umbrella sector area and ignoring the claims of proven institutions but frankly I don't care. It shows that our model of promising to get the money out quickly without bureaucracy, (for which read properly checking the background of a claimant) fits perfectly with the government's short-term-quick-win (or loss) objectives.
They don't care if ultimately this approach lacks sustainability and means money is not going where needed most. They want to be able to turn round and pull the plug in three years rather than wait for ten so that the money can be redistributed to something they really care about. And any help we can give in this regard, we certainly will.
This will no doubt prompt the usual whinges from those such as Heston Mayday at Canopy Bank about skewing the playing field of social investment in the umbrella sector area and ignoring the claims of proven institutions but frankly I don't care. It shows that our model of promising to get the money out quickly without bureaucracy, (for which read properly checking the background of a claimant) fits perfectly with the government's short-term-quick-win (or loss) objectives.
They don't care if ultimately this approach lacks sustainability and means money is not going where needed most. They want to be able to turn round and pull the plug in three years rather than wait for ten so that the money can be redistributed to something they really care about. And any help we can give in this regard, we certainly will.
Friday, 6 March 2009
Union dues
Yesterday sees me attending a forum of representatives from BUBB (me), the umbrella makers union UBUM (Union of British Umbrella Manufacturers) and the government's umbrella office, to discuss, you've guessed it, the recession. Like anyone whose career has been enhanced in the slipstream of New Labour, I pretend to respect the proud tradition of unionism while secretly wishing they would all just shut up and stop interfering.
And I am not worried if any union leaders, including UBUM's tubthumping general secretary Doug Lettuce, might read this because as we all know they can't read. Only joking Doug - the fact is that the union leaders privately share my view as they are only paying lip service to worker's rights, using their position to join the queue at the trough themselves.
Those who can remember the dark days of the 70s during the great umbrella strike will know the damage that rhetorical nostalgic Tolpuddle Martyr left wing posturing can achieve. Do we really want to again see TV images of people walking around in the rain using newspapers to protect their finely permed 70s barnets just because some lazy spoke engineers want a pay rise and better conditions?
There was a time when these talking shops would be tuck shops as well with overweight union officials hoovering up pickled eggs, pork pies and soggy quiche. But not these days. It's all vol au vents, satay chicken and sun blushed waddymacallits. Ponsy food for ponsy people. I love every crumb.
And I am not worried if any union leaders, including UBUM's tubthumping general secretary Doug Lettuce, might read this because as we all know they can't read. Only joking Doug - the fact is that the union leaders privately share my view as they are only paying lip service to worker's rights, using their position to join the queue at the trough themselves.
Those who can remember the dark days of the 70s during the great umbrella strike will know the damage that rhetorical nostalgic Tolpuddle Martyr left wing posturing can achieve. Do we really want to again see TV images of people walking around in the rain using newspapers to protect their finely permed 70s barnets just because some lazy spoke engineers want a pay rise and better conditions?
There was a time when these talking shops would be tuck shops as well with overweight union officials hoovering up pickled eggs, pork pies and soggy quiche. But not these days. It's all vol au vents, satay chicken and sun blushed waddymacallits. Ponsy food for ponsy people. I love every crumb.
Thursday, 5 March 2009
Loving the recession
I don't think I have ever been busier than since when this recession lark started. Be it lobbying for exorbitant sums of cash from government to support umbrellas, giving speeches or having my thoughts published in the press, Robin Bogg has not shied away from what is important in these tough times - promoting Robin Bogg.
Why only this week I gave a sermon at an event hosted by a big accountancy firm - I won't say which one but they are among the top 37 in the UK so know their onions. They too are loving the opportunities presented by the recession, what with it being an excuse to trim lazier staff and rake in those lucrative receivership appointments.
Coincidentally, one of my sisters, Laura (not to be confused with Sonia who still hasn't got her book on teaching perfected despite 12 attempts and whose dim son, Kieran, is reading media studies at Newport) works at said accountancy firm as a cleaner so I take the opportunity to remind her boss that she is due promotion and a new mop.
BUBB has also just launched its recession support website. What is unique about this is that we have opened access to everyone, not just members. To share expertise to the benefit of all in umbrella land is a radical departure for us as we usually like the closed shop mentality. Some will say that they don't know why we didn't think of this before, sharing knowledge, working closely with rivals etc, but rest assured, when the smoke clears and the economy is back on track, we'll go back to our petty fiefdoms and territorial disputes.
But for now these are indeed tough times and the more we can show that we, by which I mean me, are working hard at self-promotion the better.
Why only this week I gave a sermon at an event hosted by a big accountancy firm - I won't say which one but they are among the top 37 in the UK so know their onions. They too are loving the opportunities presented by the recession, what with it being an excuse to trim lazier staff and rake in those lucrative receivership appointments.
Coincidentally, one of my sisters, Laura (not to be confused with Sonia who still hasn't got her book on teaching perfected despite 12 attempts and whose dim son, Kieran, is reading media studies at Newport) works at said accountancy firm as a cleaner so I take the opportunity to remind her boss that she is due promotion and a new mop.
BUBB has also just launched its recession support website. What is unique about this is that we have opened access to everyone, not just members. To share expertise to the benefit of all in umbrella land is a radical departure for us as we usually like the closed shop mentality. Some will say that they don't know why we didn't think of this before, sharing knowledge, working closely with rivals etc, but rest assured, when the smoke clears and the economy is back on track, we'll go back to our petty fiefdoms and territorial disputes.
But for now these are indeed tough times and the more we can show that we, by which I mean me, are working hard at self-promotion the better.
Tuesday, 3 March 2009
A nanny state
Is it really 45 years since one of the most culturally significant events of the last, well, forever? I am of course talking about the release of the timeless, seminal, awesome, wonderful, pretty damn good film classic - Mary Bloody Poppins.
I must admit that when I first saw it about 35 years ago, as a callow youth, I thought it was, how should I put it, pants. I regarded it as Disney fantasy nonsense with sinister lesbian undertones. Consider the evidence - strong female lead character with ambiguous sexual orientation, and songs with titles such as "Feed the birds" and "A spoonful of sugar". Even the actor playing the male lead (a chimney sweep if you please) was called Dick van Dyck.
But over the years I have come to realise that Mary Poppins symbolises the freedom and power that comes from a good umbrella. A nanny state is often used as a pejorative term but if there were more governesses like Poppins overseeing the troubled youth of this sceptred Albion, we'd all be a lot less scared of knife crime. And spiritually happier as well.
If you have yet to slurp from the glass of this celluloid rioja I urge you to do so. And rejoice in its sheer body, bouquet and class.
I must admit that when I first saw it about 35 years ago, as a callow youth, I thought it was, how should I put it, pants. I regarded it as Disney fantasy nonsense with sinister lesbian undertones. Consider the evidence - strong female lead character with ambiguous sexual orientation, and songs with titles such as "Feed the birds" and "A spoonful of sugar". Even the actor playing the male lead (a chimney sweep if you please) was called Dick van Dyck.
But over the years I have come to realise that Mary Poppins symbolises the freedom and power that comes from a good umbrella. A nanny state is often used as a pejorative term but if there were more governesses like Poppins overseeing the troubled youth of this sceptred Albion, we'd all be a lot less scared of knife crime. And spiritually happier as well.
If you have yet to slurp from the glass of this celluloid rioja I urge you to do so. And rejoice in its sheer body, bouquet and class.
Monday, 2 March 2009
Playing the name
There are many qualities that an effective CEO must possess and I have at at least two of them - networking and name dropping. I have lost count of the number of times that esteemed friends and colleagues including Bernie Clifton, Roy Hattersley, Anne Diamond, Bleary Hazel, Jesus H Christ and the bloke down the local chip shop who swears he's Elvis, have said "Robin - no one, but no one, drops more names than you for the cause of umbrellas".
I wrote a book on the subject of name dropping a few years ago. I say a book, more a pamphlet. Well, few suggestions scribbled on a sheet of A4 (still available from the BUBB website for five English...dig deep, we need to boost our reserves). So with my obvious previous form in this arena, it was no surprise (but no less of an honour) to be asked to give the keynote address at this years International Name Dropping Symposium down in Port Talbot.
This long-established gathering is a must for anybody who is anybody, wants to know other anybodies and more importantly wants the world to know that they know plenty of anybodies. Here the most important item in the delegate pack is the delegate list, produced in large print and laminated.
My speech is a hit - I litter it with random tales of my many encounters with illustrious stars of politics and showbiz - legal and illegal - and the five hours just flies by.
Port Talbot is a much maligned town but while I am there I admire the stunning architecture of the steelworks - temples to a higher God in the pre Great War days. I also manage to catch a film at the Multiplex, which to be honest is a bit disappointing. I thought it would be a straightforward frothy rom com about the white stuff that cows produce but it is a dreary well meaning polemic about some politician in America. Still, I am soon cheered by a KFC bargain bucket which I take back to the hotel and munch on while reflecting upon the day.
I wrote a book on the subject of name dropping a few years ago. I say a book, more a pamphlet. Well, few suggestions scribbled on a sheet of A4 (still available from the BUBB website for five English...dig deep, we need to boost our reserves). So with my obvious previous form in this arena, it was no surprise (but no less of an honour) to be asked to give the keynote address at this years International Name Dropping Symposium down in Port Talbot.
This long-established gathering is a must for anybody who is anybody, wants to know other anybodies and more importantly wants the world to know that they know plenty of anybodies. Here the most important item in the delegate pack is the delegate list, produced in large print and laminated.
My speech is a hit - I litter it with random tales of my many encounters with illustrious stars of politics and showbiz - legal and illegal - and the five hours just flies by.
Port Talbot is a much maligned town but while I am there I admire the stunning architecture of the steelworks - temples to a higher God in the pre Great War days. I also manage to catch a film at the Multiplex, which to be honest is a bit disappointing. I thought it would be a straightforward frothy rom com about the white stuff that cows produce but it is a dreary well meaning polemic about some politician in America. Still, I am soon cheered by a KFC bargain bucket which I take back to the hotel and munch on while reflecting upon the day.
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