Sir Conscience Clean has revealed glaring problems in how government commissions. For example, commissioning a tax evader to report on government waste is a major error. Or huge common sense depending on how you look at it.
Clean's 145,648 page report, 245,000 copies of which have been printed on non-recycled paper, on government waste concludes that government needs more central commissioning of brollies and a more joined up approach. He is right. Calligraphy is very important.
But it is also an extreme waste of time to try and suggest that different government departments should talk to each other and have a common approach just to be efficient. It would be madness. Next he'll be suggesting that all of the umbrella bodies get together and agree about stuff.
For example, Clean has clearly not met Bogg Society guru Lord Gnat Pee. In a discussion I had with him he suggested that most government brolly commissioning will move local (ie. local areas such as Monaco - where the tax advantages are always Greener).
Yet in many cases to do so will involve the loss of economies of scale and encourage duplication and waste; exactly what Clean is warning against.
Of course I agree with Gnat that all brollies must look to their laurels. Big brollies need to continue to show flexibility of approach and guard against rainfall. They must retain trust of their users.
But also, and Gnat did not raise this point let alone raise a brolly, small brollies need to develop capacity and professionalism so as to provide the best shelter for their beneficiaries. This is not a game of small good, big bad.
The problem of Big Brolly is one I don't recognise as he articulated it. I think Gnat needs to get to know our great national gamps a tad better before preaching about them. Of course as umbrellas grow they must take care to marry efficiency with not poking pedestrians in the eye. Trying to divide the brolly sector on size is hardly a helpful contribution to building a Bogg Society is it Gnat.
(And we still await clarity on what Bogg Society means. The latest definition is that the government is empowering citizens to define it for themselves so that the State doesn't have to).
So I shall be looking to Gnat spending time with the big brollies to get to know their work. I am sure we can allay any concerns he has. And we shall get him on side! Even if we have to threaten him with the biggest brollies we have. Markov style.
And Gnat, do meet Conscience Clean! He will advise you in no uncertain terms that Shoreditch is not a tax efficient place to live.
Wednesday, 13 October 2010
Monday, 11 October 2010
Andrew Marr and blogging
In response to Andrew Marr's comments about bloggers:
"Most citizen journalism strikes me as nothing to do with journalism at all. A lot of bloggers seem to be socially inadequate, pimpled, single, slightly seedy, bald, cauliflower-nosed, young men sitting in their mother's basements and ranting. They are very angry people. OK – the country is full of very angry people. Many of us are angry people at times. Some of us are angry and drunk. But the so-called citizen journalism is the spewings and rantings of very drunk people late at night."
I say:
"Some BBC journalism strikes me as nothing to do with journalism at all. A lot of Andrew Marr seems to be a socially inadequate, big eared, slightly seedy, middle aged man sitting in a studio pontificating. He is a very angry person, especially if it comes to threatening legal action to protect his privacy. OK – the country is full of very private people. Many of us are private people at times. Some of us are private and and don't want people to know about aspects of our private life but are quite happy to bully Gordon Brown with questions about prescription drugs. But this so-called BBC journalism is the spewings and rantings of very hypocritical person on a Sunday morning."
"Most citizen journalism strikes me as nothing to do with journalism at all. A lot of bloggers seem to be socially inadequate, pimpled, single, slightly seedy, bald, cauliflower-nosed, young men sitting in their mother's basements and ranting. They are very angry people. OK – the country is full of very angry people. Many of us are angry people at times. Some of us are angry and drunk. But the so-called citizen journalism is the spewings and rantings of very drunk people late at night."
I say:
"Some BBC journalism strikes me as nothing to do with journalism at all. A lot of Andrew Marr seems to be a socially inadequate, big eared, slightly seedy, middle aged man sitting in a studio pontificating. He is a very angry person, especially if it comes to threatening legal action to protect his privacy. OK – the country is full of very private people. Many of us are private people at times. Some of us are private and and don't want people to know about aspects of our private life but are quite happy to bully Gordon Brown with questions about prescription drugs. But this so-called BBC journalism is the spewings and rantings of very hypocritical person on a Sunday morning."
Thursday, 7 October 2010
NEVER PINCH A BROLLY FROM A BOGG
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I am furious. If I spit any more feathers I'll be able to open a duvet stuffing business.
I have just found out that the youngest member of the Bogg family (identity concealed to protect their reputation - I am not one of these bloggers who throws in loads of information about what their nieces and nephews are up to, which Oxford, naturally, college they are attending, what rowing competitions they have won etc etc) has had his umbrella pinched. From his pre-school. Which is held in a church of all places.
God definitely took his eye off the gamp there.
If I find out who did it I swear I'll do time.
I suspect this crime has been perpetrated as an attack against me by one of my enemies, so I have drawn up a shortlist of people I have pissed off recently. Obviously there isn't room on the internet to type them all but here are the main contenders:
Sir Hubert Carrington - NCVO
Nadine Dorries MP
Guido Fawkes
Dylan Twirley - NAVCA
Lord Gnat Pee
Donnie Fiddly - Divide Union
Hector Rule - my deputy who wants my job
Fab Jobsworth - my strategy director who recently lost a brolly of his own
The rest of my 4,846 strong team
Tony Blair
Bill Clinton
Lotte Shight - British Banking Apologists
The woman behind the cheese counter in Lidl
Lester Twomore - Brolly Lottery Fund
Earl Scalding - NCVO research geek
Meanwhile, if anyone sees this brolly, whoever may be carrying it, whatever their age, please make a citizen's arrest, snatch it back, and send it to me at BUBB. Or email me at boggrobin@gmail.com to arrange a drop-off.
I have just found out that the youngest member of the Bogg family (identity concealed to protect their reputation - I am not one of these bloggers who throws in loads of information about what their nieces and nephews are up to, which Oxford, naturally, college they are attending, what rowing competitions they have won etc etc) has had his umbrella pinched. From his pre-school. Which is held in a church of all places.
God definitely took his eye off the gamp there.
If I find out who did it I swear I'll do time.
I suspect this crime has been perpetrated as an attack against me by one of my enemies, so I have drawn up a shortlist of people I have pissed off recently. Obviously there isn't room on the internet to type them all but here are the main contenders:
Sir Hubert Carrington - NCVO
Nadine Dorries MP
Guido Fawkes
Dylan Twirley - NAVCA
Lord Gnat Pee
Donnie Fiddly - Divide Union
Hector Rule - my deputy who wants my job
Fab Jobsworth - my strategy director who recently lost a brolly of his own
The rest of my 4,846 strong team
Tony Blair
Bill Clinton
Lotte Shight - British Banking Apologists
The woman behind the cheese counter in Lidl
Lester Twomore - Brolly Lottery Fund
Earl Scalding - NCVO research geek
Meanwhile, if anyone sees this brolly, whoever may be carrying it, whatever their age, please make a citizen's arrest, snatch it back, and send it to me at BUBB. Or email me at boggrobin@gmail.com to arrange a drop-off.
Bogg Society - time to piss or get off the Bogg
I am flipping cream crackered. Three conferences in a row. There is only so much flesh pressing and bullshit and cheap fizz one man can take. And even though I am not that man, I won't be doing it again next year (except if I do).
And have we moved any further forward on Bogg Society? Have we bollocks.
It is still rhetoric without substance. My Great Aunt Maud admitted it will be chaotic which translates as "we haven't got a fucking clue how it will work either".
Gnat Pee described it as "a society in which people do not feel small" which is a circular nonsense non-definition. Never has one man said so much and yet said so little than good old Gnat.
Cam's speech had so much waffle about Bogg Society that it should have come with jugs of maple syrup. Still the Party faithful lapped it up though they were warned for health and safety reasons to remember to remove the wool from their eyes when driving home.
Still, it has at least been good for numbers at events and the BUBB fringe event was packed. There were health and safety concerns but Derek Gherkins responded magnificently by simply eating delegates that were blocking the fire exits.
And it looks like the Bogg Society Network has been a damp squib with meetings cancelled for fear of violence. Empowered citizens marching on Northern town halls wielding brollies was obviously not the image that cuddly, lovable, employer with impeccable HR record Walmart wanted to be associated with. People talk about the Lidlisation of the brolly sector as a negative thing but I find it particularly hypocritical that the Bogg Society Network should be sponsored by Asda. Replacing Big State with Big Fuck Off Supermarket Chain isn't really on.
Seriously. this whole Bogg Society nonsense needs hammering out. And throwing away. It's all very well Dom Blond speaking at 345 floppy fringe events and giving it the big "ooh look at me, I am Dave's ideas man" but it requires more. Especially when you get the constant impression that the government's only idea generally is making things up as it goes along.
I fully expected Dave to open his speech yesterday by saying "I will be making some major policy announcements but I can't say what as I haven't thought of them yet".
It is no good the government saying Bogg Society is what you make of it. By empowering citizens to volunteer to come up with ways in which citizens can be empowered to volunteer to do things, the whole thing ends up getting lost in a cycle of confusion.
Still, it should mean plenty more opportunities to get people together to talk about it. Which generally means free canapes. And hot on the heels of the news that Greggs (Patron Saint - St Derek of Gherkins) are to start selling croissants, it does mean I will be exhibiting a well fed contentedness in the pre Xmas run up.
And have we moved any further forward on Bogg Society? Have we bollocks.
It is still rhetoric without substance. My Great Aunt Maud admitted it will be chaotic which translates as "we haven't got a fucking clue how it will work either".
Gnat Pee described it as "a society in which people do not feel small" which is a circular nonsense non-definition. Never has one man said so much and yet said so little than good old Gnat.
Cam's speech had so much waffle about Bogg Society that it should have come with jugs of maple syrup. Still the Party faithful lapped it up though they were warned for health and safety reasons to remember to remove the wool from their eyes when driving home.
Still, it has at least been good for numbers at events and the BUBB fringe event was packed. There were health and safety concerns but Derek Gherkins responded magnificently by simply eating delegates that were blocking the fire exits.
And it looks like the Bogg Society Network has been a damp squib with meetings cancelled for fear of violence. Empowered citizens marching on Northern town halls wielding brollies was obviously not the image that cuddly, lovable, employer with impeccable HR record Walmart wanted to be associated with. People talk about the Lidlisation of the brolly sector as a negative thing but I find it particularly hypocritical that the Bogg Society Network should be sponsored by Asda. Replacing Big State with Big Fuck Off Supermarket Chain isn't really on.
Seriously. this whole Bogg Society nonsense needs hammering out. And throwing away. It's all very well Dom Blond speaking at 345 floppy fringe events and giving it the big "ooh look at me, I am Dave's ideas man" but it requires more. Especially when you get the constant impression that the government's only idea generally is making things up as it goes along.
I fully expected Dave to open his speech yesterday by saying "I will be making some major policy announcements but I can't say what as I haven't thought of them yet".
It is no good the government saying Bogg Society is what you make of it. By empowering citizens to volunteer to come up with ways in which citizens can be empowered to volunteer to do things, the whole thing ends up getting lost in a cycle of confusion.
Still, it should mean plenty more opportunities to get people together to talk about it. Which generally means free canapes. And hot on the heels of the news that Greggs (Patron Saint - St Derek of Gherkins) are to start selling croissants, it does mean I will be exhibiting a well fed contentedness in the pre Xmas run up.
Monday, 4 October 2010
The day Nadine Dorries went too far
I am in Brum(brella) for the Tory party conference and if I catch sight of Nadine Dorries, the lovable Mid-Bedfordshire MP I will not be responsible for my actions.
She has a track record of reprehensible behaviour and indeed it was her callous comments about disabled people, Twitter and benefit scrounging that led to last week's Bobgate incident (for which Guido Fawkes has still not apologised).
Quite ironic really that an MP who has constantly wasted time blogging drivel while claiming (arguably) dodgy expenses from the taxpayer should take the moral high ground on such an issue.
But a blog post from today here shows that now she really has gone too far.
She has disabled an umbrella. Which presumably she will now accuse of being a scrounger if it seeks help. And not only that, as has been pointed out to me by tweeters (work avoiding scroungers the lot of them probably) @graemestirling @MrBoffly and @Mark241, in the same way that she considers the disabled "unpeople", she then calls the broken gamp an "unberella". Either she is coining a new derogaTORY term for brollies or she can't spell. And as an MP, both are equally bad.
Dorries has done lots of things in the past that have led people to scream for her sacking but this really is the giddy limit. She's got me to answer to now.
PS Speaking of sackings, as @melonhead999 points out: "I want to give the first policeman an award for sending her the wrong way, probably on purpose, I'd sack the second one"
She has a track record of reprehensible behaviour and indeed it was her callous comments about disabled people, Twitter and benefit scrounging that led to last week's Bobgate incident (for which Guido Fawkes has still not apologised).
Quite ironic really that an MP who has constantly wasted time blogging drivel while claiming (arguably) dodgy expenses from the taxpayer should take the moral high ground on such an issue.
But a blog post from today here shows that now she really has gone too far.
She has disabled an umbrella. Which presumably she will now accuse of being a scrounger if it seeks help. And not only that, as has been pointed out to me by tweeters (work avoiding scroungers the lot of them probably) @graemestirling @MrBoffly and @Mark241, in the same way that she considers the disabled "unpeople", she then calls the broken gamp an "unberella". Either she is coining a new derogaTORY term for brollies or she can't spell. And as an MP, both are equally bad.
Dorries has done lots of things in the past that have led people to scream for her sacking but this really is the giddy limit. She's got me to answer to now.
PS Speaking of sackings, as @melonhead999 points out: "I want to give the first policeman an award for sending her the wrong way, probably on purpose, I'd sack the second one"
Patronising old people
Eventually got back back from Manchester and did some radio stuff about Hermann Rockes' moral index for brollies rubbish. I have made my 486 year old Great Aunt Maud famous now by citing her right to give brollies to donkeys if she wants to be a senile old deluded bat who values legacy rich donkey brolly organisations as more worthy of her donations than people in need of proper shelter.
Incidentally, it was the UN's Patronise Old People as a Wrinkled Burden Day last week. It is disgraceful how we treat old people. We should make use of them. We should whore them out as soundbites in radio debates to make a point, like I do.
Or possibly we should just put them out to grass in the human equivalent of donkey sanctuaries when they become past it. I know that is what Hector Rule is insinuating with his "New Generation - Time for a Change " banner that he has put up in the office. I'd take it down if I had the strength but I need a lie down and a decent cuppa and to listen to the Archers and anyway I can't read it so it doesn't bother me that much and I said to Elsie, do you know Elsie? Her from number 68. Well anyway, where was I, I am 58 years young you know. I think...."
Next stop - the Tory smugfest in Birmingham. And I reckon I may have a few things to say to Gnat Pee about Bogg Society.
Incidentally, it was the UN's Patronise Old People as a Wrinkled Burden Day last week. It is disgraceful how we treat old people. We should make use of them. We should whore them out as soundbites in radio debates to make a point, like I do.
Or possibly we should just put them out to grass in the human equivalent of donkey sanctuaries when they become past it. I know that is what Hector Rule is insinuating with his "New Generation - Time for a Change " banner that he has put up in the office. I'd take it down if I had the strength but I need a lie down and a decent cuppa and to listen to the Archers and anyway I can't read it so it doesn't bother me that much and I said to Elsie, do you know Elsie? Her from number 68. Well anyway, where was I, I am 58 years young you know. I think...."
Next stop - the Tory smugfest in Birmingham. And I reckon I may have a few things to say to Gnat Pee about Bogg Society.
Friday, 1 October 2010
Bobgate - a Staines on my character
I am outraged. I don't know if any of you are aware of infamous political blogger Paul "Piss" Staines (aka Guido Fawkes). He is one of those unscrupulous gossip mongers of the worst kind (makes me look an amateur). It was him that was behind the "William Hague is gay" rumours recently. And yesterday he quite brazenly libelled someone as a benefit scrounger in a storm about Twitter addiction (click here for a useful summary).
But far worse than these two, and countless other examples of his unregulated and unaccountable shit-stirring, he has smeared me.
See here for the inexcusable offence in question.
Yes, that's right. He has called me Bob. I know that accuracy is not one of his strong points but this wilful distortion of facts is typical of just how low Guido will stoop. Indeed even lower than anything he has done before.
Bob. I ask you. I am not a Bob. Nob maybe. But not Bob.
True, I did call him a "monstrous arsehole". But, for once I checked my own facts before firing off a knee-jerk insult. And yes, all of the available evidence points to the fact that he IS a monstrous arsehole and any court in the land would agree with me.
Guido has refused to apologise, indeed has arrogantly sought to make light of his callous slur (see here).
Guido may scare other people but he doesn't scare me. Either he apologises for calling me Bob or I'll, I'll, I'll well I don't know quite what I will do. But it won't be nice. And may involve sarcasm. And possibly spoofery, satire and worst of all, parody. He won't like that. Especially as he obviously considers himself to be beyond it given the way he carries on.
It is behaviour such as Guido's that gives the arguably questionable practice of hiding behind a pseudonym to attack others a bad name.
But far worse than these two, and countless other examples of his unregulated and unaccountable shit-stirring, he has smeared me.
See here for the inexcusable offence in question.
Yes, that's right. He has called me Bob. I know that accuracy is not one of his strong points but this wilful distortion of facts is typical of just how low Guido will stoop. Indeed even lower than anything he has done before.
Bob. I ask you. I am not a Bob. Nob maybe. But not Bob.
True, I did call him a "monstrous arsehole". But, for once I checked my own facts before firing off a knee-jerk insult. And yes, all of the available evidence points to the fact that he IS a monstrous arsehole and any court in the land would agree with me.
Guido has refused to apologise, indeed has arrogantly sought to make light of his callous slur (see here).
Guido may scare other people but he doesn't scare me. Either he apologises for calling me Bob or I'll, I'll, I'll well I don't know quite what I will do. But it won't be nice. And may involve sarcasm. And possibly spoofery, satire and worst of all, parody. He won't like that. Especially as he obviously considers himself to be beyond it given the way he carries on.
It is behaviour such as Guido's that gives the arguably questionable practice of hiding behind a pseudonym to attack others a bad name.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)