Out of touch

I am back folks. I may have been quiet but I have been on holiday. Some bloggers may think that being away on a well earned break from the pressures of work is the ideal opportunity to blog off. After all, do you really want to hear about my experiences on the crazy golf courses of the Norfolk coast? And the answer is, yes, you do. I was in cracking form, finally nailing the tenth at Great Yarmouth's Pirate Cove, and the fact I could not instantly share that with you tarnished what was otherwise a very enjoyable break.

But I got my Blackberry confiscated in Washington when trying to get into the White House and didn't have chance to get a new one before returning to the UK and heading East for some downtime. Therefore, apologies that you have not received chapter and verse on the minutiae of my private vacation. I know that people have been wondering where I am and it was touching to see my spoofer Stephen Bubb mention my silence. He was obviously getting slightly twitchy about me not posting stuff he could parody.

I certainly needed a holiday after the last few weeks. Some of my misfortune you have seen expressed on this blog and I am sure some of you saw the furore in the papers this week calling for my resignation over an accidental leak of top secret info. The truth is that when in Washington I had some clandestine meetings with other umbrella advocates over a top secret new design for a superumbrella that will fight terrorism, solve world hunger and repel climate change, all by teatime on a Tuesday in April 2014.

We were given prototypes to take home under strict instructions to not let anyone see them. Understandable, but it was typical bad luck to be leaving Heathrow on the way home and be surrounded by photographers while hailing a cab, even if they did mistake me for one half of Black Lace. The rain was lashing down and my hair was all over the place. I instinctively did what any self respecting narcissistic public figure would do and pulled a brolly from my duty free carrier bag to keep the rain off. Next thing I know, it's splashed (pun intended) all over the papers and I am accused of leaking (pun intended) highly confidential global intelligence.

But I will not resign. Others may do so in my position but they are too quick to quit.