Unfairly influencing the coming vote

The whole country is quite beside itself with apathy over the upcoming referendum on how we select umbrellas. Some people want to change from a system where people simply choose their favourite umbrella to a complicated system where second preferences have an influence if no brolly receives an overall majority meaning that we may end up with gamps that nobody wants. Or something like that, I haven't actually bothered to check it properly.

I get a message from my good friend in Australia about the Alternative Vote. I think I'm allowed to blog it even if I don't actually bother to check first whether it is true or not. Though it would be terribly embarrassing if it was found to be a highly misleading tale about someone called Robyn Holding (any relation to Donald I wonder) whose brolly gained an unfair advantage through PR not AV.

But you will make up your own mind I'm sure! After all it would be wrong of me to try and influence my members, especially by using dodgy evidence through a work blog. Though it will come as no surprise that I want to retain FPTP, solely on the basis of loving tradition and all that. It is only by clinging on to systems that don't work for reasons of sentimentality that I have any chance at all of making the House of Lords.

Red Brolly Day - part 4 - some random high profile beasts

A couple more Red Brolly Day pics here. And then I will be publishing the big hitters - the real creme de le beef. And revealing the final total. First up is my old college friend (not Tony, the other one) Sir Fruity Metcalfe, a man who knows me better than I know myself.

And here are those two government chimps, Rick T'Hurd and My Great Aunt Maude. They are doing a very good job here aping people who know what they are actually doing regarding the umbrella sector.

Government department using spin to pursue its own agenda shock. And the sodding Royal Wedding

What is going on at DWP45? First they issue statistics aimed at demonising fat, drunk, drug addicted umbrella owners. Now they are having a pop at disabled umbrellas. They have released figures that say 75% of claims by broken brollies for support have been turned down . This is not the same as saying 75% of those receiving support aren't eligible, but that subtlety will be lost in the reportage, and in the public mind an image of thousands of undeserving, indolent gamps trying to cheat the system is built up. The lying bastards (by which I mean the politicians).

Never mind the laws of meteorology that determine in hot, dry weather there is less work for umbrellas. The powers that be just want to spin things to justify the massive withdrawal of state responsibility for its citizens and their umbrellas that we are currently witnessing.

Oh well, there is always the Royal Wedding to provide a bit of distraction to the hoi polloi. Nothing says we are all in it together more than one very posh privileged bloke and his slightly less posh bride driving off in an Aston Martin while the crowds cheer. Despite Hillda Ogden-Newton&Ridley trying to drag me along to some painful street party round the corner from my brothers, I decided to do the patriotic thing and visit a Swedish furniture store. As you can see below.I did invite the Syrian ambassador along as well as he was at bit of a loose end but apparently he was off to my old mate Tony Blair's gaff to watch it on his big screen.

Still, I see the establishment does at least retain some sense of humour by giving William such a rubbish new title. Duke of Cambridge? Ha ha ha ha. A far more prestigious title would have been the Duke of Oxford, Naturally. They must be saving that for someone else. I wonder...

Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

My involvement in the NHS reforms is already paying dividends as my blog has suddenly cured itself of the disease it has had recently where it wasn't allowing paragraph breaks.

See?

Everything is fine now.

This is another victory for (the) Bogg Society and patient choice. The empowerment of individuals to sort out their own health problems so that the State doesn't have to. If you can't afford an expensive solution either diagnose and treat it yourself or use the oldest health technique known to man. Keep quiet and hope it gets better all by itself rather than bothering experts. Time is, after all, the greatest healer.

I always want to look my best when denying vanity

I am knackered. I am now doing 32 hour shifts in my hospital but I am finding out lots of interesting stuff about the NHS to report back to Dave even though it will make sod all difference to what has already been decided. I am talking to people at all levels in the NHS, the more senior the better. After all, this is about patient choice. And who knows, I may even get round to talking to some patients if I have time.

I am having to think outside the box while remembering that people who use the hackneyed phrase thinking outside the box are not thinking outside of the box.

I note that there are some criticisms being voiced about me taking a 2 month break from my day job to pursue this pointless vanity project and that by cosying up to the government I risk tarnishing the entire umbrella sector by association with future NHS carnage (yes, I saw your editorial in Brolly Weekly Robin Crock). What nonsense. The fact that quite a lot of my members have nothing to do with umbrella provision in the NHS is neither here nor there. I am more than capable of cherrypicking the sub-sectors I want to concentrate on in pursuit of personal recognition and advancement. And vanity project? I never take on board vanity projects unless they make me look good.

And as for any ridiculous suggestions (Sir Bumble of Heep) that this might merely be the latest stage in my ploy to gain a peerage...the very idea. How shallow do you think I am? There's no might about it - it's definitely all about that.

On a different note everyone seems to be looking forward to the Royal Wedding. Personally, I'd rather eat Barkle's worming tablets then watch it. But every cloud as a soggy lining. I see that the weather forecast is for rain on Friday which would be fantastic. What could be more patriotic than thousands of gawping, sycophantic, deluded fools lining the wedding route holding their umbrellas as it lashes down?

Actually, I am a bit miffed that despite my K I am not invited to the ceremony though I will try and crash the evening buffet and hope there is plenty of couscous.

And if Kate needs someone to keep her sheltered as she walks from the car into the Abbey, I am only too willing to help.

No time to blog

I have been that busy in my new health role that I haven't had time to blog about being that busy in my new health role that I haven't had time to blog about how busy I am in my new role. These 18 hour shifts are a killer. But if I had have been blogging I would have denied strongly that Cameron has deployed me to try and destroy the NHS from within to make it easier to sell off the profitable debris to the private sector while pretending that he did listen to everyone's concerns. Soon, window dressing will be the only dressing you can get on the NHS and the only service for the poor will be lip service. Got to go. These bed pans won't empty themselves.

Red Brolly Day - part 3 - the next generation

I am all for developing talent within the umbrella sector as long as it doesn't expect to take my job. Having a decent youth policy is the second best way of ensuring top quality leadership - the first being using a headhunter such as, I don't know, Donald Holding for example. Therefore I was delighted to see 2 young stalwarts taking part in my Red Brolly Day fundraising challenge. First up we have Mini HaHa, son of Ronnie HaHa, marketing and business development wonk at Casa (Cockney Area Shelter Association) (@zoeamar). He is also the nephew of former Umbrella Commission weaver of gamp fabric, spinning silk brollies out of sows' ears, Shhhhhhhh HaHa, so clearly umbrella nous oozes in the family. Second up is Bobby Tundra Jr, son of Northern social enterprise guru and strawberry "phillip" blond advocate Bobby Tundra (@TheSocBiz). He bleeds Leeds so much it literally stains his Liverpool shirt. The future is bright with such childish vigour and getting them young means they can be brainwashed and rainwashed into obeying orders and toeing the official (ie. my) line. Everybody wins (ie. I do).