A new role

Following my constant bleating about the role of umbrellas in the reforms of the NHS David Cameron has suggested I work as a porter at a hospital for 2 months. This will be a 2 month role and will involve making sure there are enough umbrellas available to shelter patients when they go from one building to another in the rain. I have had to take a break from my BUBB duties and the trustees agreed (a bit too happily in my opinion). And Dr Hector Rule has been wondering around like the cat whose got the cliche as he will be acting CEO in my absence. Or to put it another way, doing what he usually does but getting full credit for it. I have already decided to organise a dinner for fellow NHS staff - getting people together and eating and drinking and chatting is crucial to the future of the NHS. As long as we're not expected to eat the shite that the patients have to. There are limits.

The picture that launched a holiday worth thousands for some shits

Boggo (anyone who refers to them self in the third person is automatically an arse) doesn't usually disclose any dealings with the Dead Tree Press, but ironically Paul Staines and Orla Murphy's (allegedly, but I can't mention her name) budget holiday paid for out of a sneaky picture about Sam and David Cameron's budget holiday will now be paying for my rather grander trip away. The co-travellers, armed with their hypocritical, malicious, sneaky, self-serving sewer of a blog are everywhere

N.B. Boggo's paparazzi co-conspirator Dick Mandrake (@dickmandrake) will also be enjoying his time in Malaga at the expense of the papers.

(See here for context)

Happily plugging healthily

Grrr. Not happy. All the trains were delayed (probably deliberately just to incovenience me) so I was late to a "listening exercise" on NHS reform with Cameron, Clegg and health secretary Nothingfunny Abouthisname. These listening exercises are great. How they work is that the government pretends to listen then ploughs on regardless having at least given the impression of consultation. I am all for NHS reform if it means a bigger role for umbrellas, whether they want it or not. In keeping with how he wants to slice up the NHS I think the government should put the best bits of Abouthisname up for sale to the private sector. Only that wouldn't raise much money. (By the way, do you like my new method of gaining a para break?)

I was running late all day but did at least get to an event for free wine which is the main measure of a successful day in my job. I could mention some BUBB members at this point and, why, who knows, I may even manage to spell their names and organisations properly!

There will now follow a brilliantly contrived paragraph designed to shoehorn more free advertising for Donald Holding into the blog. All organisations need good management don't they? Especially at a level just below any errant, gallivanting, chaotic chief executive. So why not use headhunter extraordinaire Donald Holding? He is so good that he has changed company again (no doubt he headhunts himself to both increase his salary and get his own commission) and has left Feudal to go to wankymadeupwordwithlowercaseinitiallettertolooktrendi. Therefore the strategic partnership BUBB had with Feudal has been ripped up and replaced by one with wankymadeupwordwithlowercaseinitiallettertolooktrendi. Which means basically that the agreement is really with Holding and a way of feathering his nest but don't tell anyone. He is brilliant and trusted by many. He even gets regular mentions by Sir Stephen Bubb. Far more than any other BUBB strategic partner does. He'll be posting a link to his website next.

It is important to maintain a professional approach to any potential conflicts of interest and for that reason I would never use my job as leader of a membership organisation to plug the services of a personal friend to my members any more than I would use the BUBB member's magazine to drum up demand for loans offered by the Brolly Investment Business, which I chair. That might be regarded as blurring my two roles and we wouldn't want that.

Red Brolly Day - the money shots part 2

Next up we have the self styled Boggettes, a jolly quartet of BUBBly vivacious minxes from the Brolly Investment Business. They are led by Quic Loans (@navigatornic), communications officer. Also in the picture are saxy website bird John Coltrane (cj_parker), Dib-Dab (@auntie_debs) and Spam Towelling (@saminus). I say they work at BIB. However, it looks like they spend most of their time fooling around. Obviously, BIB has an ineffective management structure and a weak chair. Or perhaps the chair isn't paid enough to worry about staff mucking about. But he should worry- especially about Quic. She needs a beady eye kept on her.

Red Brolly Day - the money shots part 1

As promised here is the first tranche of the collection of photographs I received from people wielding umbrellas to raise money for Gampic Relief's Red Brolly Day (money channelled by Comic Relief). The cash I have pledged in return for these pics will help shelter the dampest members of society, both here in the UK and overseas. I will reveal the final total when all pictures are posted but let me just say it is over £19.99. First up are a number of snaps from good old Lester Twomore at the Brolly Lottery Fund. He really put the hard yards in and was all over this challenge like that silver stuff you rub off on scratchcards that gets stuck to your clothes, trying to get people to have a picture taken with his bright red gamp. Like one of the many deluded folks who spend a fortune on beating nigh impossible odds to win a life changing amount of money that will probably make them miserable, Twomore obviously thought he'd have as many goes as possible at this to kid himself that the amount raised going to good causes would justify his actions. This one below is Lester with some people from NCVO's Leadership Commission (a sham of an organisation obviously. NCVO could no more advise on leadership than a field of sheep). I think the chap on the right is Dick Draughty. The next one is a bit blurry - of a similar quality to some of the holiday snaps I sometimes post on here in the mistaken belief that readers give a toss but I am told that it features Rabid Thrills of the Gampdian and Lester's comms (which means communications in case anyone was unclear. First rule of communications - put across a clear message) director Quinda Lynn. The final one is Lester with one of his bored members (he'd rather be anywhere else than in a stupid charity picture) and fair trade expert Overpriced But Makes You Feel Morally Superior Tucker.

More pictures later this week.

Fooling around

Friday morning saw me let loose on the Gampdian website for an hour doing a live Q&A. This wasn't an April fool's gag, it really did happen. See here for the evidence. I would like to thank Rabid Thrills for giving me the opportunity. However, I did see one rather daft April fool's joke in Canopy Times that said I had been made a Liberal Democrat peer. Actually thinking about it, that's a bloody good idea. Much like the Lib Dems I will do whatever it takes to gain power even if it means selling my principles down the river. Someone who shall remain anonymous (but let's just say he is a research guru at NCVO called Earl Scalding) has sent me this which would also have made a great April fool's joke. Quite how he discovered this I am not sure. I know NCVO's Brolly Sector Almanac is the ultimate in gampornography but this is ridiculous. What sort of research was he doing? I hope he wasn't researching mother's day pressies. If I had been going to do my own April fool's gag I would have said that BUBB had been appointed to run the entire government. And even as I was typing it out I would have convinced myself that it was actually true. I would also have talked about Geof Sachell's internationally recognised policy nous (ha ha ha) and said that I had sent him to Cambridge to recruit some staff just to wind people up. But no one would have fallen for that. Cambridge? No way. It would have to be Oxford, naturally. Or I would use Donald Holding, headhunter extraordinaire. The whopping commissions he gains due to my endorsements won't pay themselves you know.

Swigging gampagne and spitting the dregs onto the unsheltered heads of the poor

Blimey what a night that was. I've been asleep for a day and a half. The Queen's solicitors, Spanners, had a reception to celebrate my Knighthood (did I mention my recent K? Must have slipped my mind. They probably think that now I am titled I will have a bit of money to splash lest I am finally caught out on a libel charge. The reception was hosted by the ebullient and gregarious Gratin Maris-Piper. By ebullient and gregarious I mean that I am scared witless of her. With good reason. Anyway a whole host of brolly sector notables and my family gathered and we got royally smashed on BUBBly gampagne - Brollingers, naturally. My chair made a lovely speech where she compared me to marmite. I guess this means that you either love me or hate me but could mean that I spread myself everywhere and have an unusual taste. And as usual I see no contradiction in making a a big noise about enjoying the finer things in life while the dampest members of society, who I presume to speak on behalf of to keep me in those finer things, struggle with the cuts. As long as I mention them as an afterthought at the end it's all fine.